If there was ever a group of people who had the right to keep on complaining, that would be military spouses.

I mean, really!

We endure cross-country (sometimes cross-globe) relocations, separations from our service members for months, spur-of-the-moment field trainings that require our beloved spouses to be gone for weeks, early mornings, late nights, travel restrictions, leave restrictions, missed holidays, and more.

There is no shortage of topics for military spouses to snicker about.

And, you better believe we do complain. I know I’m guilty of complaining to anyone who will listen to me: family, friends, coworkers, social media, my spouse. I am so guilty of moaning and groaning over the inevitable inconveniences of milspouse life.

A couple of months ago, I was yapping with my best friend about how upset I was that the Army required my hubby to leave home for a couple of weeks in the field. The timing was particularly terrible, and I needed to get my frustrations off my chest.

I needed to vent.

But after my venting session was over, I realized I felt worse about it all. My complaining gave me the opposite of my desired outcome—rather than feeling relieved after expressing all my frustrations, I felt more upset.

I did some research and asked around: Have my friends also noticed that complaining leads to more frustrations? Several admitted that venting sessions, although tempting, never help them feel better. Rather, complaining just leads to more grumbling and unsettled feelings.

So, when those moments of frustration creep in—as you know they probably will—how should we respond?

I would argue that we should do the following three things in lieu of complaining when the temptation arises:

1. Pause and be thankful.

Yes, being married to service member is hard, but military marriage also comes with some awesome perks. My husband and I have been married for nearly five years, but we still experience that “honeymoon” stage over and over again. When my husband comes home after a long separation (okay… any separation), my heart flutters when I see him. This is just one of many things I am thankful for. What about you?

2. Do whatever it is you enjoy doing. 

I have a slightly unhealthy love for coffee. I automatically get warm, fuzzy feelings with a cup of coffee in my hand. So, when I feel that urge to complain, I’ll reach for the Keurig! Or I’ll opt for a workout, time with my friends, or some play time with my dogs. The hobby can change, but the goal is to engage in something I enjoy so I avoid the complaining cycle. What is it that you enjoy doing?

3. Spend time with positive people. 

The company we keep has a unique ability to influence our lives. Our friends have the ability to impact the thoughts we think! When you’re feeling particularly blue, make an intentional decision to spend time with the positive people in your life. Bonus point: be a positive person in someone’s life. We need uplifting friends, and we need to be uplifting friends.

Friends, I challenge you to intentionally avoid complaining when the desire arises. Let’s decide to be a generation of military spouses who are known by our love of life and our gratitude.