I feel like I’ve known Terri Barnes for years.

Which is exactly what I blurt out when we “meet” on Zoom for the first time the other day. I’ve lost any amount of cool I had heading into our interview and, kindly, she laughs and says she gets it. 

But I have known Terri for years, or at least I’ve known her public persona. 

In 2007, just after my family and I PCS’d to Germany, Terri became the wise spouse I needed in my life, the one that reminded me that I wasn’t alone.

Her Stars and Stripes column, Spouse Calls, was the camaraderie I needed at the time. I welcomed her words into my world. And she’s been there ever since.

An Air Force brat who then married into the Air Force, Barnes was destined to be a writer. From her earliest days as part of her high school newspaper to studying journalism at Baylor University to her award-winning column and beyond,

Terri has paved a path for military spouses with her words.

Getting to talk to Terri about her writing life was a dream come true. 

Why do you write? I have to! Writing is how I process things, how I take ideas or emotions or whatever is knocking around inside my head, see it in black and white and put it into some kind of order.

This is not original, of course. I think it’s common for many writers. Joan Didion and Stephen King have said similar things about writing to find out what they’re thinking. I also learn primarily by reading and writing, so there’s probably a correlation there.

I’m always taking notes or jotting down things to remember. Whether or not I reread my notes, writing while I’m listening helps me process what I hear.

When did you start writing? In middle school, I started trying to write stories. And I started journaling about that time. My grandmother had a typewriter at her house that my mom had used in school.

Once on a visit we got snowed in at my grandmother’s and I remember trying to write a story on it. I don’t think I got very far. In high school, I got interested in journalism, and I began writing for my school paper. In college I majored in journalism and worked on various newspapers.

My grandmother’s typewriter eventually was passed down to me, so I have it in my office. It’s the same one that ended up on the front of my book, Spouse Calls. 

Writers are usually bookworms, so I have to ask: What book made you a reader? Yes, definitely a bookworm—always. I remember certain phases of my life by the books I was reading at the time. So many books.

Some of the earliest full-length books I read were the Alice books by Lewis Carroll, and I especially loved Through the Looking Glass, but I think the book that made me a reader was The Hundred and One Dalmatians by Dodie Smith. The movies are fine but trust me: read the book. It has so much more depth and sweetness than the movies.

Remember Scholastic book orders? That’s how I got it when I was in grade school, and, no kidding, I read it more than twenty times the first year. It’s the first book I can remember falling in love with the scenes and the characters and the humor.

What book made you a writer? I hate to be so predictable, but it has to be Little Women. I feel like so many women writers grew up wanting to be Jo March. I was definitely one of them. That’s another book I still re-read often.

Such a beautiful story and so ahead of its time, even though it doesn’t seem progressive to us now, but this is a story about girls growing up in the mid 1800s with parents who wanted more for them than good husbands. It was revolutionary at the time that they were encouraged to develop their talents, even to follow their ambitions.

Favorite place to write? I have a great office space with a couch where I sit to write most often. I have a desk too, but I don’t use my desk so much. I also like to sit on the front porch or screened porch when the weather is nice.

Favorite time of day to write? I like to journal the morning to get my thoughts in order. I’ll also spend some time checking my calendar to see what’s on for the day or the week. When I have structured writing work to do, a project for myself or for someone else,  I usually do that in the afternoon.

Favorite part of the writing process? I like seeing the finished product. Dorothy Parker has a great quote about it: “I hate writing, I love having written.” I don’t hate writing—I love the process, but I also like seeing my published work. I do enjoy writing.

I like to start by throwing sentences and thoughts on the page without overthinking them. I do that when I journal, but also when I’m starting on other kinds of writing. I write out my ideas to get them on paper and in front of me.

This keeps me from staring at a blank page, which is never a good feeling. Sometimes when I write like this without thinking too much, I am surprised by what I write. Some of it ends up on the floor, but not always.

Favorite book about writing? I really like Stephen King’s On Writing and Anna Quindlen’s Write for Your Life, but I think my favorite book about writing is Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn. It’s an epistolary novel, not a writing manual, but it’s an exercise in word choice and creativity.

In the story, the residents of an isolated island lose the freedom to use certain letters one by one, and they go on writing letters to each other as their alphabet gets smaller and smaller.

My son called it an absurdist dystopia. I recommend it all the time for so many reasons. I think it’s about freedom and meaning, and also about the power of writing – even simple everyday writing like notes and letters.

Favorite drink while writing? Coffee for journaling and devotions in the morning. Herbal tea or water if I’m writing in the afternoon.

While writing, music or no music? No music. I work best in a quiet room, though I can tune out noise if I have to, especially once I get in the zone.

Best feedback you’ve received about your writing? When someone says something I wrote reassured them they’re not alone. To think that by writing about my life, I might be offering someone else the words or the context to describe their own experience. Those are the best.

What piece of advice would you give to aspiring writers? Read and write as much as you can. Reading is important, because you learn what kinds of writing you like, what speaks to you, how you want to write and also how you don’t want to write.

You also begin to spot bad writing, the more you read, and then you know what you want to avoid as a writer. And then write! The best way to learn to write is to write. Keep a journal. Take a class, join a writer’s group. Volunteer to write for a newsletter.

Create some accountability so that you have to write. Get feedback. Learn how to refine your writing and improve it. AND if you aspire to write, make the time to do what you aspire to do. This is advice I still give myself.

Terri’s milspouse author collection

Finally, what is your favorite military spouse authored book?

Oh no! Can’t go there! There are too many wonderful books by military spouses to choose one. I can’t even start naming any, for fear of leaving one out! They each have a story that’s important to share.

I truly have shelves full of them.

*Editor’s Note: This is the first interview in our new series called Tully Talks Storytelling. We are beyond thrilled that the charismatic Julie Tully is introducing our community to the writers who walk the milspouse miles with us. She asks 13 questions and we are certain you will be inspired by the answers!

Photo Credit, Stacy Benson

You can read more about Terri and her work at www.terribarnesauthor.com. 

Her book, Spouse Calls, is available wherever books are sold.

*For more inspiring posts, check out the Mission:Milspouse Blog Page.