Your spouse comes home from work, tosses the car keys on the hook, squeezes the kids.

Then, turns to you and says, “Honey, I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?”

From left: Amanda’s mom, Nancy; step-dad, Jim; mother-in-law, Rosemary; son, Ricky

The news is that you’re due to move across the country in a few short months.

You’re probably feeling a spectrum of emotions: excitement, fear, frustration. All about the actual move.

But what if you’re moving further away from family? How can you make the change easier on everyone?

Amanda and Tom’s son Ricky (3) with Rosemary, left ( Amanda’s mother-in-law) and Nancy, right (Amanda’s mom) They are decorating cookies.

As it happens, I’m in the midst of such a move right now. My mom and step-dad, step-mom, and mother-in-law live on the same coast we do, for the moment.

All are sad to see us go.

All want time with us (read: grandson).

Here are a few ways that extended family can fit into your PCS:

1. Combined visits before the move.

We’re lucky in that my mom and step-dad live only an hour away from my husband’s family.  We wanted to make sure they all got time with their littlest grandson. Each had solo time with him, but we also had a day with everyone together. It worked out well.

2. Have everyone go to you.

If a combined visit sounds great but the grandparents don’t live close to one another, this may work better for you. Everyone gets time together, and you can do moving prep. The grandparents can have fun with the kids…everyone’s happy! If you want everyone to stay with you, then by all means, but never let anyone tell you that it’s a must. Hotels on post are a valid option.

3. Share the exciting milestones. 

Earlier this week, we were offered an ADA home on post. I was so excited because the housing office wasn’t sure one would be available in time for our report date. But there is one! Yay! I sent a text to my family and his. Everyone celebrated with us. I shared this news because I was excited, yes, but also to help them feel included in the process.

From left: Ricky, Gina (Amanda’s sister-in-law, Gina; Amanda’s mom, Nancy; Amanda’s mother-law, Rosemary
Back: Amanda’s step-dad Jim, and husband Tom

Are these things essential? No. What’s essential is taking care of you, your spouse, and your kids, if you have them.

If time, money, and/or self care do not allow you to make room for extended family to be included in your moving process, don’t force it.

If you’re preparing for a PCS, go here to learn about making a PCS binder and how to ease stress and anxiety.