How many of you have had such great intentions after leaving dinner at a commander’s home, or after a friend sent you flowers when you were ill, to send that person a thank-you note? I am fairly confident we have all been there! Protocol books, like The Army Spouse Handbook (pages 115-120), all suggest to do so in a timely fashion, within a few days. I know for me, sometimes it was weeks later, and I began to really stress about my lack of getting it into the mailbox!
One of our BLUFs (Bottom Line Upfront) in The Army Spouse Handbook states, “Understanding the difference in dress terms can help you be the belle of the ball instead of wearing bell-bottoms to the ball.” Complementing a service member’s uniform is a good guide; e.g. Blue Evening Mess to a Ball would indicate that a female spouse should wear a formal-to-the-floor gown or dressy cocktail dress, while a male spouse should choose a tuxedo or dark dinner jacket. However, how can we tell what to wear to a “dressy business” or “dressy casual” event? They are almost oxymorons.
“I cast my lot in with a Soldier, and where he was, was home to me.” — Martha Summerhayes, 1873, Army Spouse
Life with the Army, as you may know, is often exciting; yet it can be challenging and sometimes stressful. Even though Army spouses are busy with their families and careers, there will still be occasions when you will want to know the protocol and etiquette expected of everyone—for example: parades, changes of command, receptions, New Year’s receptions, balls, dining outs, coffees, and entertaining.
The Army Spouse Handbook, recently published, covers in depth all of those topics and more. It’s a 440-page paperback book that has been updated for the 21st century spouse.
It is a time for patriotism.
As a military spouse, I am thrilled to see pride in our country. Everywhere you turn, you see bumper stickers, yellow ribbons, and flags. Our national symbol—an American flag—we fly them, but do we know how to properly take care of our flag?
Military life is full of social functions. Every time you turn around, you’ve got an invitation to a Family Readiness Group meeting, a coffee, or a Hail and Farewell. You’ve probably heard social functions comically referred to as “mandatory fun.” It’s no surprise to a service member that they have to attend; the military essentially “owns” their time.
I’ve been a military spouse for what my husband commonly refers to as “a hot minute.” You would think that after all this time, I would stop being surprised at all the things that come with military life.
But nope. Experiences like random TDYs, changes to our no-plan plan, promotions, future duty stations… it almost always catches me a little bit off guard; I’ve grown significantly in my ability to be flexible.
There is one aspect of the military life that I’ve experienced over and over again, but yet it still surprises me every single time.
It typically occurs at the military ball.
Being a military spouse means I’m pretty tough. I can do a lot and take even more. I experience life in a way that most people can’t imagine. I’m the 3%! The 3% that know the importance of care packages, how a home can be made anywhere, and that friends do not need to be in the same time zone to be valuable. I also know that there are a few things that mean a lot to milspouses and military families.
My youngest and I were sitting on the couch the other night, just hanging out and watching some television. My husband was at work, and my older child was at a sleepover party. Out of nowhere, my son says: “Mom, I have to tell you something. I know the truth about Christmas.”
Want a challenge? Try googling “how to host a coffee” or “what is a military spouse coffee?”
What you’ll find is an array of military spouse coffee mugs. Congratulations! You’ve found no-man’s land.
Don’t feel bad—many people don’t know where to start. These military social events are not as scary as you might think. Even if you don’t like coffee you should still attend because, chances are, coffee won’t even be involved. The point of this military custom is camaraderie.
Mission: Milspouse is a
501(c)3 nonprofit organization.
EIN Number: 88-1604492
hello@missionmilspouse.org
P.O. Box 641341
El Paso, TX 79904
