A year is a long time. As I reflect back on my husband’s year long deployment, there are a few things that I found to be deployment lifesavers:

1. Find your circle—your inner circle.

Having a few people that won’t mind when you call just to talk saved me. One of the biggest adjustments for me was learning to be alone at night after work. I had several people who I could count on to answer the phone and talk to me. I often would Facetime or talk to someone on the phone while I was eating dinner, which made dinner time feel a lot less lonely.

2. Find fun ways to countdown.

My family made me a paper chain countdown. They started at halfway(ish), and I would remove a chain each Sunday. Each link had a message written by one of them on it. I loved it and it was really nice seeing it get shorter and shorter. I also gave myself one big chore to do each month, from home improvement projects, to things that I knew needed to be done but were big undertakings. Having a “to-do” list that was outlined monthly made his time away seem shorter.

3. Have creative ways to communicate.

Before my husband left, I wrote two books of “open when” letters. He really enjoyed these, especially with the time difference. These were nice for him to have and to be able to open on his own time. We were also given a “One Question A Day” book for our engagement. While we weren’t able to answer one question a day, we would usually do it once every one or two weeks to catch up on all the ones we missed. We both enjoyed doing that, and it always gave us something more to talk about rather than just how our days were going. We also wrote letters to each other throughout the deployment. I kept a notebook by my bedside and would write him letters, and once I had a few written I’d mail them together. It helped me to “talk” to him before bed, which I never got to do because of the time difference. It was also nice to receive letters from him when I wasn’t expecting it. With technology now, it would have been much easier to just email, but having boxes of handwritten letters is priceless.

4. Don’t forget to celebrate the important things.

For my husband’s birthday, I contacted friends and family and had them send me cards. I filled the box with more than 30 cards and pictures from everyone and had him open it on his birthday. He loved that, and it was better than anything I could have ever bought him. We would try (to the best of our ability) to schedule a phone call or Facetime date on holidays.

5. Never go to bed angry.

This was the final lifesaver that made for a smooth year. We never hung up the phone angry. We realized that time is precious, and it seemed so silly to spend the time we did get to communicate with each other in a negative way.

I hope that if a separation comes your way, you can be prepared with your own set of deployment lifesavers.