February brings to mind Valentine’s Day and all the people I love.  I always acknowledge my love of my family, but this February I started thinking about all of my Military spouse (MILspouse) valentines I have made along the Army journey.

To truly embrace and accept the Army life, you have to put yourself out there every move. 

You must make friends. 

Because in the Army your friends are your family. 

You rely on them for everything. 

Through life we go through different seasons, some being: the season of being newlyweds, of having babies and raising young children, the elementary school phase, the high school phase, the work phase, and the college send off. 

Then there are your soldier’s Army phases, that although not yours, affect you: the staff grind, the command phase, the deployments, the schools, and eventually retirement.

These personal and Army phases comingle and can be exciting but also stressful. 

This is when MILspouse Valentines come in. Here are a few of mine:

The newlywed stage:

Newly married, I moved to Texas and within the first year had our first child. I felt isolated as I had decided to stay home with our baby. My mom suggested I join the spouse’s club to meet more people. 

It was a little daunting, BUT…I met my first MILspouse Valentine there with a child almost the same age as mine. 

We realized we lived in the same area, started walking together and solved our new mother problems.

The elementary/deployment phase:

The kids were in elementary school when my husband first deployed. We lived off post in a neighborhood full of Army spouses whose husbands were also deploying.

When my husband deployed, I ended up going through some stages of grief.  My favorite and most well used stage was denial. So, my way of enduring the deployment was to be very busy with both volunteer and social opportunities.

I volunteered at the school and co-ran the spring fundraiser. My fellow lead was, unbeknownst to me, a great diversion to deployment. She was creative and kept my mind on the success of the event.

The spouses in the neighborhood became a cohesive unit. We planned parties for almost anything. It was a way to lighten the load, let the kids play, and to check in with each other.

There were so many MILspouse Valentines in that neighborhood: the clown, the walking buddies, the emergency situation saviors, and the listeners. 

The Staff phase:

My husband returned from deployment and was given 3 weeks to move to Germany. I stayed in our home until the school year ended and then moved over. 

A few months later, I was pregnant with my fourth child, 7 years from the 3rd.  Oh, what an unexpected gift! The older kids were 12, 10, and 7.  They helped a lot, but I needed some MILspouse support.

I found it in 3 wonderful women who did all the little things you need when you have a baby: feed, clothe, clean, listen and lift strollers down stairwells! I call them my 4th child’s ‘Other Mothers”.

The high school/deployment phase:

During my husband’s second deployment, I continued my volunteer and social opportunities with 2 MILspouse Valentine’s that were living a very similar life to mine.  We realized we all went to church together.  When the kids went to Sunday school, the 3 of us would go to Starbucks and talk and talk and talk.

Some days I talked and some days I listened.  It was the best detox.  

The Command Phase:

My husband was offered a command in South Korea. We moved into an apartment on a floor with 5 other families.  Every Sunday, I would sit down with my calendar and write out what I had to do… by hour. 

I may have been the busiest I had ever been as a military spouse. I quickly made friends with the other spouses on the floor and beyond. It was like living in a college dorm!

After a while, I realized I had to do something for me to keep myself sane.  So, three other women and I met in the elevator at 5:30am, got in the car, drove to the gym, and worked out for an hour together. 

We had a fellow Army spouse lead our work outs. It was a great bonding experience and stress reliever. They were some of the best MILspouse Valentine’s.

So, this Valentine’s Day, after I acknowledge my family, I am going to send a ‘shout out’ to all of my MILspouse Valentines. 

Family is family, but military spouses are the backbone of the Army and their neighborhoods.  We rarely thank our MILspouse’s for just being there. 

I think it’s time we should. I hope you have the time to thank a few of your friends this Valentine’s Day too! 

MILspouse Valentines rock!

*To read more of Laura’s writing, check out her M:M Author Page.