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Being a good friend can be hard sometimes. Friendship like life comes with growing pains along with good times and bad times. Some friendships last and some don’t but either way it leaves a lasting impact on all of us. 

 

I have been thinking lately about my role as a friend.

 

Often I find it easy to be a friend to the correct people. Sometimes being a friend is like breathing and it comes naturally. Other times it’s a learning process. From personal experience I have had both natural friendships and learning process friendships.

Sometimes it feels as if I parent some friends into hearing the voice of reason. You want the best for your friends but oftentimes you wonder if your advice is getting through to them.

 

 Over the past few weeks, I have had to exhaust my friend’s abilities.

 

By this I mean having to be someone’s solace or voice of reason. I spent a lot of hours on the phone and texting a friend about their problems trying very hard for them to see reason and hoping that they would make the right choice.

As much as I like helping it’s starting to take a toll on me in the worst way. I often wonder if I come off as needy or vapid or whiny after talking someone through a problem. I often wonder if I would be given the same grace when I was having a problem or needed something.

At times I wish I could just disassociate for a while after helping a friend with a problem because it has taken a toll on my own mental health.

Sometimes I have friends that want to just wallow and sadness and drown in their own unhappiness and it’s very hard for me to continue to be positive after that because they project their own misery on me and I don’t know how to disassociate or separate their problems from my own at that moment.

 

I do my best to be empathetic to their thoughts and feelings and put myself in their shoes.

 

I try my best to give neutral and uplifting advice that can also be used to solve a problem immediately or in the long run. I have learned to just listen and take everything with a grain of salt and not take everything to heart.

That method has been helpful to me personally. Its helped me become a better friend overall.

There is nothing wrong with being a good friend and being there for the people you love for moral support, but it can be mentally taxing. I struggle between letting someone solve their own problems and want to help every step of the way.

 

Sometimes my advice lands and they take it and use it accordingly, other times the advice falls on deaf ears.

 

Its frustrating when I spend hours talking with someone who ask for my advice and they don’t take. It makes a million questions run through my mind; “Did I say some wrong?”

“Was my advice good enough to take?”

“Why didn’t  they listen? It was such and easy solution”.

I have to remind myself that as much as I wish it, I cant control of someone takes practical and good advice, from me or otherwise. Some friends just need to vent without needing their problem solved. I’m glad that the friends came to me and felt comfortable enough to use me as a person to vent to.

 

In a nutshell I like to be of help but then being helpful also makes me reflect about how I come off when I ask for help.

 

I do my very best to listen and help my to the extent of my abilities. I only wan the best for my friends, but I do have to take care of myself too. I can be a good friends and still protect by mental health by taking little breaks and taking time ot reset so I can better help my friends to my fullest abilities

 

Editor’s Note: Anastassia really tackles a topic that so many spouses go through. We are in a unique position of making and maintaining friendships over many years and places. For more posts from Anastassia, please visit her M:M Author Page. 

 

Author

  • Anastassia Kennedy

    Anastassia is originally from North Carolina, born and raised in Fort Bragg. She is a military child turned spouse, so the Army has been a part of who she is for her entire life. She and her husband have been married for six years and have two boys (2 and 5 years old) and are currently stationed in Washington, Illinois (for now at least). She is hoping her next assignment will take her back down South next because she does not enjoy snow filled winters! She is a stay at home mom with a knack for Crocheting (she actually turned her hobby into a side job- how cool is that?) She also enjoys yoga, podcasts, reading, thrifting, and exploring cities and villages. Most of her exploring various places is food related as she loves trying new foods (and finding cool tea rooms) so she can broaden her pallet. Not to mention, you always meet the nicest people in restaurants and bakeries! Anastassia is a fun-loving person who is always ready at a moment's notice to enjoy life, have fun, and make new friends.

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Supporting Our Military Children

Supporting Our Military Children

One thing that has been most important to me, as a military spouse, is figuring out how to best do this life while supporting our children with the changes and difficulties. When my children were very small, there were many times that my husband was away, and I had to parent my children alone.

Mission: Milspouse is a
501(c)3 nonprofit organization.

EIN Number: 88-1604492

Contact:

hello@missionmilspouse.org

P.O. Box 641341
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