There is a particular word that often comes up in the normal course of conversation. It usually goes something like this:

Your boss says, “You did really well on that project, but…”
Your dental hygenist says, “You’re doing a good job on flossing, but…”
A co-worker says, “I appreciate your input on this, but…”
What happens in your mind when the person, normally after a brief thoughtful pause, says that little word before they say anything else?

I think that color looks great on you, but…

I appreciate how well you’ve been sticking to our budget, but…

I really loved dinner tonight, but…

At first you feel good and affirmed, and you’re soaking up the praise. You’re happy about what is being said and considering how you are going to respond. And then after the pause you hear it.

A couple of weeks ago my bride and I had a “discussion.” The project I had been planning was due, and I was running around at the last minute trying to gather all the things I needed. It went something like this: