You’ve probably heard that our military children are like dandelions, but what about the other military family members?

Here’s how I see it: our military children are dandelions, our military teens are willow trees, and military spouses are sunflowers.

When we talk about military family members, the focus is often on how strong everyone is—which they are. Every one of them has a story that displays that strength. Resilience is the buzzword we always hear, but that doesn’t mean it’s without some struggle.

Dandelions

Dandelions are hardy plants that bloom almost anywhere. The wind whooshes against the fluffy seeds,
wafting them into the air, carrying them to a distant patch of land where they nestle themselves into their new home, growing taller, sinking their roots deeper, and surviving regardless of the climate.

The innocence of childhood makes it easier for our military children to “grow where they’re planted.” They understand that new friends are around every corner, that a new school will feel comfortable in a few days, and that adventure is everywhere.

But it also means their little hearts break when they have to say goodbye. Their eyes fill with tears when they give that final hug or say “see you later” to their best friend. It’s hard for them to leave the only home they remember, even though it isn’t their first. They may struggle with shyness or the uncertainty of beginning a new year at a new school—or worse, starting in the middle of the year. They can’t understand why a parent is gone a lot or why they only see one parent for a few hours here and there during busy weeks. They settle for seeing grandparents and extended family through screens because travel isn’t always possible.

They didn’t choose this life, and sometimes that’s a difficult thought to swallow when you’re their parent. However, they show us every day how they can adapt to changes because change is all they’ve ever known. They’re able to float with the breeze and land somewhere new, knowing they can sprout roots and eventually flower. They adapt and find their way with our support.

Willow Trees

Our military teenagers are the willow trees. They take root readily, from cuttings or where broken branches lie on the ground. Their wood is pliant yet tough. Their roots have a remarkable toughness and size. They’re among the earliest plants to leaf out in spring and the last to drop their leaves in autumn.

My friend Kathleen said it best in her Ode to the Military Teenager, and I’m going to expand on some of her descriptions.

As our children grow into teenagers, the adjustment from location to location is more difficult. More than 80% of military children attend public schools that don’t belong to DoDEA, schools where the students have known each other since kindergarten. They must join in extracurriculars or sports where the civilian students are well-established, playing with particular coaches for years.

But as our military teenagers research, relocate, restart, and reenter another new school, they rely on their tough roots, those that connect them to this life. They are “nourished by [their] loved ones, [their] patriotism, and the family [they] made along the way.”

Because of their strong pliant bark, they can survive “the harsh winds of adversity, offer shelter, carry their passions, and reach high.” Much like military children, our military teens struggle, too. Without the same innocence to what relocation means, our teens may have it tougher. No longer are they swayed by the new adventures. No longer are they looking for the friends that wait around the corner.

Their leaves, however, are the first to come in the spring and the last to drop in the autumn. They are the ones who understand change and have displayed how they can waver but stay strong. Their leaves are the symbol of, “I’ve been here before. Let me show you the way.”

Their roots, their branches, and their leaves are all they need to find their way, and the greater military community is a part of those roots.

Sunflowers

Our military spouses are the sunflowers. A few weeks ago, as a thank you for my volunteering here in Kansas, I was given a sunflower necklace. It came accompanied with a card that said:

Be like the sunflower. Brave, bright, bold, cheery. Be golden and shine, keep your roots strong, your head held high, your face to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you.

This is what got me thinking about dandelions, willow trees, and sunflowers.

As military spouses, the always-there parent to our military children and teens, we are the symbol of adjustment. We are the ones that put on the brave, bright, bold, cheery face, regardless of what we’re feeling, to keep a tight hold on the roots of our willow trees and help our dandelions get settled in their new ground. We often hold our heads high and turn our faces to the sun, even when the load is heavy and the light is obscured by clouds. We force the shadows of military life to fall behind us, blocking our willow trees and dandelions from darkness.

My dear military spouses, you are brave to choose the uncertainty of this life. You are bright in your military community. You are bold in taking on solo-parenting, deployments, long separations, and the unknown, working to keep the family rooted together. You are cheery with your friends and offer newcomers a space to grow. Your roots are in the military community, not one particular location.

As military spouses, we establish roots that wrap around those to the right and left, linking military spouses across the globe. If you’re moving somewhere new, a friend of a friend is already there, willing to help you get settled.

As we wrap up Month of the Military Child and ease our way toward Military Spouse Appreciation Day and Military Appreciation Month, remember the dandelions, willow trees, and sunflowers, the deep roots, the pliant structures, the hardy plants, the ones that do the waiting. No matter what lies ahead, no matter where they go, no matter the separations that come to pass, those roots stretch deeper than any storm can unearth, creating a network that connects all the other dandelions, willow trees, and sunflowers together.