December is a great time to reflect on life and relationships. It is the closing of one year and approaching the start of the new year. Every year I try to take a moment to think about what happened in the last year and what I hope will happen in the new one.

As military families we often choose what works for us, being geographically separated from various extended family members can be hard. Choosing to enjoy what traditions exist in our new station can be a way to beat the holiday blues or to make the most of where we are.

I particularly love this time of year and am looking forward to enjoying some of the upcoming holiday traditions of northern Virginia. 

This year we get to celebrate the holidays with my mother because she now lives with us. 

One of the challenges that military families face as they continue to serve for many years in the military and live far from their family of origin is how to address aging parents.

We are a little bit older than the average military family who have served for 20 years. My husband enlisted in the Air Force in his mid-twenties, and then he took a five-year service gap to go to engineering school before commissioning in his mid-thirties, we are now entering our fifties and are still serving. My husband’s father passed away a couple of years ago due to Parkinson’s, but we still have parents who are getting older and need some help. 

Due to this changing dynamic, we have taken more trips home to see parents and family.

We don’t usually take a lot of trips to our home state because we have a large family, and the cost can be difficult to manage with the high cost of living at bases and trying to raise our kids.

So, trying to add to our budget more frequent trips has been hard but necessary. Last year I spent 6 weeks staying in Michigan taking care of my mom after she had a change in health. Our family was still living in California at the time, so that was a difficult time, but we were glad we were able to make that happen. 

With our most recent move to the East Coast, we decided to invite my mother to come live with our family so that she has people around her to help more.

My husband and I loaded up our truck with moving supplies and drove to Michigan. We packed her up, sorted her things, and loaded up a U-Haul trailer in a matter of a few days with the help of my nephew and some friends.

It was a whirlwind trip and while we attempted to “beat the snow” since it had been unseasonal warm this year, we were met with a snowstorm and a lot of winter weather. My husband drove the roads around northern Michigan like a pro (very slowly), and we managed to stay safe and make it back to Virginia without incident. 

I know that our family situation cannot be that unusual.

As military families continue serving and living far from home, what to do with aging parents can be challenging especially if no other family is living close by. There was a day when having multiple generations living in one home was the norm, not the exception.

It seems that these days it is not as normal as it once was. It can be an answer to the challenge of what to do when parents need support that is not readily available in other ways.

I have young adults living at home with us still as well, so I have a full house. 

I feel the ever-present weight of continued military service and the option to move into his retirement from service. He is not quite ready to make that choice as he still feels he has so much more to give.

I wonder if retiring is a hard decision for most military families. There is so much to consider and prepare for, and even though I feel like I have been talking about what life will be like when he finally retires, we are no more prepared in some ways than we should be.

It is so easy to get caught up in going from one assignment to another and the next thing you know you have 20 years in and now what? 

This has been something I have reflected on and considered in recent years, especially around this time of year. Every military spouse is in a different season of military life, and this is the season I am in. It is hard in-between and wondering when to wind down this part of life. So much to consider and so much to plan. 

Thinking of you all this holiday season, milspouses! 

Editor’s Note: This pieces resonates with us here at Mission Milspouse. No one is in quite the same season, but we all know our lifestyle makes things a little crazier. We are thinking of you too, Anna!