Finding Strength in Change: Navigating Military Life with a Child with Special Needs.
You didn’t choose this life—this ever-changing, unpredictable journey that comes with being a military spouse and a parent to a child with intellectual or developmental disabilities (IDD).
Yet here you are, standing in the space where love, resilience, and exhaustion all intertwine. Some days, you feel like you’ve got everything under control, managing doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions, IEP meetings, and deployments like a seasoned professional.
Other days, it feels like you’re drowning in paperwork, phone calls, and the sheer weight of advocating for your child’s needs.
And then, just when you start to find your rhythm, orders drop. It’s time to move. Again.
The Unique Challenges of Military Life with a Child with IDD
For most military families, moving is a challenge, but for families like yours, it’s an entirely different battlefield.
Each move means starting over—finding new medical providers who understand your child’s diagnosis, fighting for the right services in a new school district, and rebuilding a support system from scratch.
The sense of stability that children with IDD often need is shaken, and you are left trying to recreate a familiar world in an unfamiliar place.
Tricare referrals, EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program) updates, and the long waitlists for specialists—these are the realities of your life. You know what it’s like to spend months securing the right therapies, only to be told you’re moving before you can even see progress. You’ve felt the frustration of fighting for an IEP in one state, only to have to renegotiate everything in another.
It’s exhausting, and at times, isolating. And yet, through it all, you keep going. Because your child needs you to.
Finding a New Community While Holding Onto the Old
Every move is an opportunity, but let’s be honest—it can also feel like a loss. You’ve worked so hard to build a community of teachers, therapists, and friends who understand your child’s needs.
Leaving them behind is painful, and the thought of starting over can be overwhelming.
But here’s the truth: you are not alone in this.
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is permission to grieve what you are leaving behind while remaining open to what lies ahead. You don’t have to erase the relationships you’ve built in order to make space for new ones.
Those friends who have walked beside you in previous duty stations?
Hold onto them.
Call them, text them.
Lean on them.
They may not be in the same city anymore, but they are still your people.
At the same time, allow yourself to embrace new connections. Military life has a way of bringing people into your path exactly when you need them.
Seek out support groups, connect with local churches, and introduce yourself to other special needs parents in your new community.
They understand the battles you fight daily, and having a network of people who “get it” can make all the difference.
You Weren’t Meant to Do This Alone
I remember a time when everything seemed to be unraveling at once. A PCS move had taken us to a new state, and I was drowning in the process of securing medical care and school accommodations for my child.
Nothing was going smoothly.
Appointments were backed up for months, the school seemed unprepared for our needs, and I was exhausted from advocating day after day.
A friend from our last duty station called one afternoon. She didn’t have any solutions. She couldn’t make the appointments come faster or convince the school district to listen.
But she listened. She let me vent, cry, and process. And then, she prayed for me.
In that moment, nothing about my situation changed, but I felt lighter. Because I wasn’t carrying it alone.
Too often, we believe that if we can’t fix a problem, we shouldn’t talk about it. But that’s a lie. God created us for community. He never intended for us to walk through life—especially the hard parts—on our own.
Your struggles are real. They are hard. But you don’t have to face them alone.
March: A Month to Celebrate and Advocate
As we step into March, it’s important to recognize that this is a special month for families like ours. March is recognized as Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month, a time to bring attention to the value and contributions of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
It’s a time to share stories, educate others, and advocate for inclusion in all areas of life.
Even more personally, March 21st is World Down Syndrome Day. The date—3/21—symbolizes the third copy of the 21st chromosome, which is unique to individuals with Down syndrome.
Around the world, people wear mismatched socks, participate in events, and celebrate the joy and beauty of individuals with Down syndrome.
For military families, these observances offer a reminder that we are part of a larger community, one that spans beyond our current duty station.
Take this month as an opportunity to share your child’s story. Educate those around you.
Celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Because awareness leads to acceptance, and acceptance leads to true belonging.
Faith, Tradition, and Finding Stability in the Chaos
Amidst all the uncertainty that comes with military life, faith and tradition can serve as anchors. When everything else feels like it’s changing, these are the things that remain constant.
Faith reminds you that even when you don’t have control, God does.
Even when things feel overwhelming, He is still present. He sees your struggles, He knows your exhaustion, and He walks with you through it all.
Cling to that truth.
Traditions, no matter how small, provide a sense of stability for your child and your family. Maybe it’s Friday night pizza, bedtime prayers, or a special way of celebrating birthdays.
These rituals become touchpoints of familiarity, helping your child feel safe and grounded even in new environments.
Three Action Steps to Keep Moving Forward
- Build Your Bridge Before You Cross It – Before your next move, research providers, connect with local special needs groups, and reach out to the new school district. The more information you gather ahead of time, the smoother the transition will be.
- Stay Connected with Your People – Military life means goodbyes, but that doesn’t mean losing the friendships you’ve built. Keep in touch with those who have supported you and be intentional about finding new support in your next location.
- Celebrate Your Child’s Journey – Use March to share your child’s story and spread awareness. Participate in World Down Syndrome Day on March 21st, educate others, and advocate for the inclusion of people with IDD in all areas of life.
You Are Not Alone
The road you walk is not easy, but you are not walking it alone. There is a community of military spouses navigating similar challenges, and there is a God who sees every step you take.
So, on the days when it feels too heavy, remember: you are doing an incredible job.
You are advocating, loving, and showing up for your child in ways no one else can. And no matter where the military sends you next, you will find your way—just as you always have.
*To find more advocacy resources, visit our partners at EFM.
Chaplain (MAJ) Joseph R. Mason, of Salem, OR serves as the Deputy Division Chaplain for 4th Infantry Division, and is stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado. He entered the Army in 2002 through Officer Candidate School, receiving a commission in the Ordnance Corps.
He is married to his wife of 21 years, Candace. Together they have four children: Wyatt (18), Owen (16), Ruby (13), and Chloe Joy (8).
Go to The Chaplain’s Corner to read more posts like this!
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