My New Culture……..There are two ways to exit the Army.  Go home and find a job or find the job and make a home. 

Because we are both Army brats, when my husband retired, we chose the latter.

I thought that we would buy a home, throw our roots deep into the community, and thrive! Well, life has its way of keeping you humble.  

My husband’s first job out of the Army was with the federal government.  It took about 6 months to finalize his position and we were offered a home on post. Although we were planning on buying a house, school had already started, and we needed to get our child enrolled.  We took the house. Neighbors came over to greet us, bringing food, drink, and information.  It was a smooth transition into a new community. One we were used to. 

 A year and a half later, my husband took a job across the nation and we moved into a civilian community. This is where I was truly educated on the differences between military and civilian communities. 

On move in day, I went to the houses close to us and knocked on the doors to tell them that the truck was coming. 

No one answered.  Everyone was working.

This was far different to what I was accustomed to in my experience as a military spouse.  My career had been interrupted either with a salary too low to be able to afford childcare, a deployed spouse, or overseas living without much opportunity for work. 

During those times, I volunteered. 

As usual, once the truck was unloaded, my husband was off at work and my daughter was at school. 

We had company coming in three weeks and the 20,000 pounds needed to be unpacked. 

Often, when we moved, neighbors would stop by when the truck was being unloaded or the days after and offer their help.

I would invite them over the following day to help move furniture to the right place, feed them pizza, and margaritas. 

Not this time.  

I worked from sunup to sundown. I shoved furniture around. I unpacked every box.

I had a box for goodwill, a box for trash, and a box for the empty boxes.  I piled all the boxes into the garage. If I didn’t have a place for it, it went to goodwill. 

My back was killing me, but I was determined. 

I called the moving company back to pick up all the boxes. I hired a guy to fix some little things around the house. 

I made a list of the things we needed to purchase to make life easier. 

The moment reinforced how determined and willful military spouses are. 

Did I cry? No. Did I whine? A little bit. Did I get angry? Some. But in the end, the house was unpacked. 

The furniture was in the right place, the beds were made, and the pantry was full.  

No, the neighbors didn’t show up. But I found ways to introduce myself.

It was a bit of what I expected, done in reverse.

Bringing a ball over that came in our yard, bringing treats to neighbors at Christmas, saying hello while walking, and asking lots of questions.

They were all willing to give me information when asked. 

Once the house was set, I turned to exploring my neighborhood. 

I bought a book about what to do in my city and started adventuring.  Out-of-town friends had found out that I had moved to a warm climate, and they wanted to visit. 

I had to find ‘the places’ they would all want to see. 

I enjoyed the adventure and had little itineraries in my head for my guests. 

When they arrived, I enjoyed showing them my new city. My neighbors commented that I had been to more places than them!

Once my guests were gone, I focused on finding something for me to do. 

I signed up to volunteer at the local library.  It is a great place to learn about my new community. It wasn’t lost on me that my volunteering for the military and volunteering at the library were much the same. 

You are welcoming the public to a safe space to learn and grow.  It’s the same in the military. I’m hoping that my volunteering will lead me to a job opportunity. 

Through all of this, I found that my city had multiple spouses’ groups I could join.

I enjoy going to luncheons, Bunco’s, and book clubs through them. I met others that were living what I was living through.

It was nice to know that this change was a stage. 

So, almost a year into my civilian life, I have realized I was acclimating to a new culture.

I had to turn my expectations upside down to make headway.  I had to change my way of thinking. I had to come to terms with differences in living and embrace my new normal. 

As the Army says, ‘Bloom where you’re planted!’

*To read more of Laura’s work, check out her M:M Author Page. For more on military transitions as a Military Spouse, check out MilspouseTransitions.