Gonna be honest, I’m hoping that by using the word “spring” in my blog title the universe will decide that we can be done with winter. But, since it’s currently supposed to snow a few more times in the next week, I’m not holding out any hope.

Onto the topic at hand!

Maybe you’re wondering if by “Spring Cleaning” I mean things like vacuuming and dusting, or dishes and yardwork, easy stuff like that.. No way I’m letting you guys off that easy! While scrubbing floors and toilets like Cinderella sounds amazing (no, it doesn’t), I actually mean the type of deep life cleaning that can be painful, but incredibly necessary. Sometimes you’ve just got to purge all the extra crap in order to make room for the stuff that actually matters!

Here are three things that can have a huge impact:

1. House Cleaning

OK, ironically enough, I do actually mean some real housework, hahaaa! Listen, after 20 years in the Army, being dragged from duty station to duty station, I have learned to not keep extra baggage, especially after doing an overseas move.

Raise your hand if you couldn’t even remember what the heck was in your stuff after you hadn’t seen it for a couple of months! So, why do we insist it’s so important? Why on earth did I needed my old college textbooks, or about a hundred coffee cups, or all my old VHS tapes, or no less than 4 Bundt pans? Wait, scratch that last one off the list—my last name is Bundt and that’s just funny.

But honestly, guys: get rid of some of that stuff. In the words of Marie Kondo, ask yourself “does it spark joy?”

If there are clothes in your closet that you haven’t touched in years, chuck ’em. If you have random crockery and extra sets of dishes stacked in every nook and cranny of your kitchen, put it on a buy/sell/trade page. Tiny knick-knacks that no one can remember why you own, box them up and donate to someone that will actually treasure them. The time has come for you to pay it forward, with bonus points if you can find a women’s shelter, veteran’s home, or even just a neighbor that could use some help getting back on their feet. You want to be able to walk into your house and breathe easy, giving your mind a rest from whatever went on during your hectic day. That’s almost impossible to do if you’re surrounded by clutter!

Does it seem too scary to jump all in and de-clutter on a large scale? Fine. I challenge you to clear out one unnecessary thing a day. It might take you two months to get rid of 60 things that you don’t need anymore, but by golly, at the end of those two months you’re going to feel awesome. 

2. Bad Habits

Ooooh, getting more personal here. You all know exactly what I mean by bad habits, and I bet a few of yours popped into your head when you read that. There are varying degrees of bad habits, everything from chewing your fingernails to drinking too much, from screaming at your kids to binge eating, from not picking up your dog’s poop to watching things on the computer that you shouldn’t. But you know what all of these have in common? They’re all B-A-D for you, and in most cases, bad for your family.

An example: I love catching up with friends on Facebook, sending out emails at the tip of my fingers, and reading all about pop culture on sites like People.com.

The issue? I’m attached to my phone, which does not help a single bit as a homeschooling mama.

It’s hard for me to focusing on teaching my kids history and geography when I’m giggling over the latest cute puppy video. My fix? Now I leave my phone plugged into its charger in our bedroom and don’t even bring it out into the main living area until the afternoon when we’re all done with school. Turns out I had to literally get the dang thing out of my sight so I would stop messing with it!

What about you? What do you need to give up? If it’s a major issue, do you have a friend or family member that can keep you accountable and check in with you to see how you’re doing?

Even if it seems like the end result is too big right now, or too much to handle, just try. The Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu said “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Take that first step. When you’ve mastered that step, take the next one. Bit by bit, inch by inch, get back the life that your bad habit is holding you back from.

And now, for the hard stuff…

3. Toxic Friendships

No one, and I mean no one, likes the thought of  losing a friend, especially one you’ve had for a long time… Unfortunately, bad things happen. Twice in my life I’ve had to say goodbye to someone that started out as a pretty great friend, but over time developed into a toxic one. I’m sure there’s lots of reasons friendships can go bad, but here are some of my thoughts.

If you have a “friend” that makes you feel worse about yourself, why are you keeping them around? Maybe they take small digs at the way you look, or the state of your house, or your kids’ behavior. Just a snide remark here and there to make you feel like a failure or a loser. This person clearly thinks they are better than you and likes to tell you that in small, obnoxious ways so you feel kind of dumb getting mad at them for it.

This is not high school.

Kick that person to the curb, because they are not good for you.

Or what if you have a “friend” that’s always negative, and because you hang out a lot, they drag you down too? How is that helping you? Life is tough enough as it is without having “help” in feeling depressed. However, this one can be tricky sometimes because there’s a fine line between snarky humor that makes you laugh (I’m the queen of that), or a negative attitude about everything in sight. A person that complains about Every. Single. Thing is tiring to be around! Plus, if you spend too much time with Debbie-Downers, it will turn you into a Debbie-Downer, and then you’ll be the one no one wants to be around. If you’ve got this type of person in your life, and you find yourself not able to stay positive up against their negative attitude, you need to politely start declining invitations to hang out.

Debbie needs to find some new friends.

And in my opinion, there’s one type of “friend” that’s the most toxic: the two-faced one that throws you under the bus one day but is nice to your face the next. Why is this person even worth your time? Do you know what this type of person is called in schools? A bully. No one likes bullies. With a person like this, you just never know what’s going to happen day-by-day. Will today be a day she’s nice to me, or a day that she’s hurtful? This walking on eggshells is not good for your spirit. You’ve got to find a way to disentangle from them, and you will be amazed at how much easier you can breathe.

I know it can be hard in the military, when you’re stuck with people at a duty station for years and they can make your life miserable. Don’t lose hope! The best advice I can give is to be the kind of person that you would want to be friends with. You aren’t going to get along with everyone, and that’s OK. I’m outgoing and loud, and that can be a lot for quieter, shy people to take in. But you know what? I still work hard to not be catty, or judgmental, or mean. I’m too old to act like that, and the older I get the more I realize that I don’t need those types of “friends” in my life either. If there’s someone like that at your duty station, just muscle through it. Do not let it get you down. With all of our Army moves I have managed to find a few excellent women to be my people, and no matter where we are in the world, we lift each other up. Find those friends, and then call them up and let them help you get through it when those toxic folks are overwhelming your heart.

OK, milspouses, it’s time! Get the sponges and gloves out, because spring is shaping up to be the perfect time to clean out the old you.