One thing that has been most important to me, as a military spouse, is figuring out how to best do this life while supporting our children with the changes and difficulties. When my children were very small, there were many times that my husband was away, and I had to parent my children alone.

It was incredibly taxing on me juggling school runs, homework, dinner, bath, and bedtimes alone.

Yet when they were small, I found that Dad being gone or having to move was a lot easier on them. They bought into the “adventure” that we sold them a lot more than they have as they got older. 

April is the month of the military child, when we express appreciation for the sacrifices that our children make to support their parents who serve in the military. They are often the ones most affected by military life, but their voices are rarely heard when it comes to how it affects them.

I have heard that military children have been compared to dandelions. Dandelions are a flowering weed that is very hearty and can travel many miles and then take root and bloom despite the challenges in that. They can thrive in almost any environment. 

Moving around frequently and living in new places is the life of a military child. 

Every military child has lived in different places for different lengths of time, making each one’s journey unique, but what they have in common is that the military has chosen where their family will move based on the needs of the service and their parent’s job.

They also have all experienced a lot of times where their active-duty parent has spent time away for training, TDYs, and deployments. They may be included in the discussions about moving, but they do not get a say in where they live.

They often get moved to locations that they are not excited about living in. This is when we encourage our kids to see the “adventure” in those places and experiences.

We look up all the good parts of the area and make bucket lists of things we want to experience there. While giving up friends and familiarity, our kids must embrace the move and be “RESILIENT”, or otherwise known as being adaptable and able to bounce back after a hardship or challenge.

Sometimes hearing the word “resilient” to describe our families makes me cringe, because it feels so unfair to those who are struggling with this life. We are all just doing our best to make the best of things. 

“Bloom where you are planted.” 

This saying hangs on my wall, a going away gift from a military friend during a “Farewell” party that they organized for us before a big move. We were moving away from a great support system that my children thrived in.

That move was very difficult for my children who were getting older. They had to change locations, homes, schools, medical, and friends yet again. This was becoming increasingly difficult for them because they experienced grief for loss of friendships and familiarity.

We tried all the usual things that people recommend. We tried to keep in contact with old friends. They joined clubs at school. They tried activities. We attended church. Nothing seemed to take root this time.

Then 2020 complicated the entire world. 

We have moved twice since then and are getting ready for another PCS. There are many things to consider as our kids get older, and we continue to move around. We take these kids that we have “planted” and allowed to “bloom” and we uproot them and transplant them.

They are expected to dig deep and find good in an entirely new environment and create a new support system. This is not easy for us adults who have done it many times, and I think it’s even harder for our teenagers or young adults because they are experiencing so many changes in themselves and trying to be more independent.

Despite the challenges, they have also grown into compassionate young people. They are thoughtful and introspective and have ideas about the world. 

There is beauty to be found in the challenges and struggles of this military life. 

I am not a parenting expert nor an expert on military life, but I do have my own life experience to reflect on. While it can be hard to see the positives at times, I have found that when we focus on the hardest stuff only, we fail to recognize the gifts that we have been given through this life.

I know that my children have lived in more places and seen more of the United States than I had by their ages. They care about others and have strong opinions about what makes our country strong and good.

Their life experience gives them a different view of the world than I did at their age. I love seeing them figure out who they want to be, and what they want next for themselves. 

What I hope our children know is that they have always been an important part of everything we have done, their feelings and experiences are valid and valuable, and we want nothing more than for them to flourish in this life and someday, they can spread their wings and soar. 

Anna’s Beautiful Military Children

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