When I wrote my previous post, my husband and I were preparing for homecoming and reintegration.
The homecoming day (that only changed a couple times) has come and gone. We’re now in the trenches of reintegration.
I say “trenches” not because it’s bad, but because there are highs and lows, including some I didn’t expect. (Silly me, thinking I could plan for everything.)
The Army Chaplain life can often be imperfect, messy, and mainly spent outside your office. But there is no set method or place for healing. Owen Chandler wanted people to understand more about military life besides what gets shown on TV, so he wrote A Bridge in Babylon: Stories of a Military Chaplain in Iraq.
It began during our first year of marriage, these mistresses. He brought the first one home one night. When I questioned my husband, his reasoning made sense to me, so I said no more.
But she persisted, and soon he was spending more and more time with this “mistress.” I would hear the conversations, and I became increasingly annoyed, and then even angry.
He said it was ending. We had orders to PCS. I remained patient and tried again with him at the following assignment.
But it got worse.
A few weeks ago, my husband called to give me his anticipated homecoming date. I was ecstatic to hear that; while still a ways off. the date was earlier than I expected. Time to prepare for reintegration
I’m not letting myself write it down until he’s on the plane though… I’m too accustomed to plans changing.
Because…military life.
Some people say, “live each day as if he deploys tomorrow.” In a way, it sounds great, but then life happens when deployment isn’t on the brain. Your kids need help when they get home from school. Your baby or toddler requires your attention more often than not. You might have a job that exhausts your brain and tires your body. You might have volunteer positions or children’s activities in the evenings. Before you know it, there’s no time left to live like he deploys tomorrow. There’s barely enough time to wash your hair or find a moment of peace.
I heard about all of these things and more. But there is one thing that I didn’t hear enough about: hitting that deployment wall.
What’s the deployment wall?
It’s when you are drained from all the things—the responsibilities, missing your loved one, the emotional roller coaster. When you are just over. it. already.
As I write this, tears are welling in my eyes. You, my military child, are 4. Where did my little guy go?
You are none the wiser. You fell asleep a couple hours ago, the words, “I love you, too” barely out before dreamland summoned you.
The holidays can be a magical time as the world around us seems to feel wrapped in joy and wonder. For many, though, there will be an undeniable void in their homes and hearts this holiday season as military loved ones are fulfilling deployment orders around the world.
At any given time, there are more than 150,000 troops deployed in territories outside of the U.S. Family members left behind struggle to manage the home, finances, and children. Many military families live away from their hometowns or where family may reside, making travel the only option to spend time with family and friends during the holiday season.
In my previous post, I wrote of the challenges that I have solo parenting during deployment, and the ways I overcome them.
It’s time for the flip side: the joys of deployment.
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