“What is your secret?” is a question I got asked from time to time. 

At first, I didn’t know what to say.  Being a military spouse, I’m different than most of my long-term friends. 

“It’s the dance,” I finally told them.

Immediately, those military balls come to mind. 

You’ve been to one of those, right?  You agonize over the outfit.  A dress?  A pant-suit?  A suit? 

And then there’s your partner.  They wear what they’re told to.  But If your partner is anything like mine, perhaps they are a bit non-social and don’t really want to go.

 However they do eventually go because they should—because it’s their duty.  And they are SO GOOD at that sort of thing.

Ahh…. the dance. 

For us, it was the Submarine Birthday Ball: the dinner-dance celebrating the birth of our unique community within the US Navy.  I was 27, and had been dating my submariner for 6 months, when he asked me to the party. 

We’d been skiing, going to movies, and eating-out all winter.  Finally, it was spring in the Pacific NW, and I was keen to dance with my sailor.  I LOVE to dance!  So I donned a black and white dress complete with long gloves. 

And well, the rest is history…

Little did I know, this event would be an anomaly in our journey as a military couple.  Yes, more dances were coming.  But I wouldn’t need a special outfit, most of the time.

But these new dances, have been uh, a different sort of whirl. 

The going to sea, and the homecoming.  The spinning, the swaying—those never-ending deployments.  I call this “the dance”.  I’ve complained about it some but looking back now, I know it is MY GREATEST GIFT from military-life. 

My spouse is either coming or going, virtually non-stop.  But over time, this has provided a certain rhythm–a beat for our ball, so to speak.

My friend M got a divorce a while back.  A few months before it happened, she tried to get her husband to join the Merchant Marines.  But he wouldn’t. 

“Going to sea would have saved my marriage,” she told me.  “I just need a break.” 

It was then I realized that this dance my husband and I were constantly doing, was part of why our marriage was so strong.

Can you really get back together if you never say-goodbye?  The twirls and the dips–the disco of it all…  Without dancing, maybe life’s not much of a party?

Someone once said, “In this life, we are always either holding-on, or letting-go.” 

And I bet you can relate.  

While we’re apart, my sailor and I remember why we’re together.  And when we’re together, we are sweet to each other, knowing that we will soon say farewell.  It’s true that we appreciate a break, but are extremely happy to reunite when the ship comes in.

Going out, coming back.  It feels like tides…an ocean wave.  But we’re not unique.  This is the dance of all military couples.

The US Navy has given us quite a ride.

As retirement looms, there have been headaches and heartaches along the way, to be sure.  But Navy life has provided many gifts, as well. 

I have some trepidation about what our retirement life will be like with no more dances…

My spouse won’t be going to sea anymore.  I won’t be waiting for his sub to come in. 

New activities await; I know we are ready.  All those hellos and goodbyes, the dances…   They are in our hearts now. 

THE DANCE. 

Best gift as a Milspouse, ever!

Meet our Runner Up….Navy Spouse, JP Tammen

JP Tammen was born in Seattle, Washington, and feels like she’s come full circle now, living near US Navy Submarine Base Bangor.  She is a proud spouse to Matt, and proud mom to Laura and Jonathan.

Not sure what to write down on a government form when she is asked to state her “occupation”, JP is busy every day. Whether it’s driving somebody to the doctor, printing programs for a charity auction, or feeding the neighbor’s cats while they’re away, all who know her realize that “All you have to do is call.”

A two-time cancer survivor (first time was while she was pregnant), JP coaches military spouses who are trying to create families amidst medical challenges.  A member of the RESOLVE Fertility Group, Submarine Officer Spouses Association, and the Kitsap County Historical Society, she enjoys kayaking, skiing, traveling, volunteering, and old stuff.

*To read more posts from the contest, please visit our M:M Blog page throughout the month of January.