When I became a military spouse in the late 1990s, I wore the label, “military spouse” with pride, and that is still true today.

For me, knowing that I was a military spouse made me feel like I was a part of a club that only those who had been one could really relate to.

I have heard some people pushback on our calling ourselves “military spouses” from others who are not a part of the military community, who feel that it is unusual that we identify ourselves with our spouse’s job.

Why is it that we take on this term as a part of how we define ourselves? What exactly is a military spouse? 

I think that every military spouse would have different ideas on how to answer this question.

When I think about what makes us a “military spouse”, I am first struck with how being in the military is not your average job.

This is a commitment to serve your country that one makes whether they enlist (enlisted) or commission (officer).

They take an oath to put country before self and protect our nation’s freedom and democracy. The requirements and sacrifices to serve are not the same as working most other jobs.

Therefore, being married to a service member is to choose to be a part of that service and sacrifice of putting country before self. 

Every military spouse first fell in love with someone who either chose to join the military or who was already serving in the military already.

Not a lot can prepare you for what this means.

I am pretty sure that most of us did not have any idea what we were actually signing up for when we decided that we wanted to live our life with our service member.

Even if we knew that we would move a lot, and that they would be gone a lot, until we went through a PCS, deployment, or training, we did not fully understand what that meant or how to prepare for that. Add children to the mix, and it is another level of difficulty that was hard to anticipate.

Being a military spouse means joining a COMMUNITY!

The military community is tied together by shared experiences. Many of us left the familiarity of home and family behind to live in new places with our service members.

Being part of the military community is choosing to show up for each other regardless of differences in race, religion, and political ideals. It means that we set aside differences and respond with compassion and support in all circumstances of life.

Though this is not everyone’s experience, it has been a heritage that others have worked to pass down through the years. The former military spouses left us with traditions that may seem outdated, but it was how a community was built and formed at a time when our nation was at war and during peacetime. 

At one time, it was mostly just wives, but the modern military has much diversity in the spouse collective. 

I am proud to honor and include male spouses, and LGBTQ+ spouses as their experiences enrich the military spouse community. It can be lonely for those who do not fit the traditional mold, and it is important for everyone to feel included. 

It seems like there are a million programs and resources to support the flourishing of our military spouse community, yet there is still so much more that needs to be addressed.

Until a spouse’s job is treated as equal to that of the service member, there will always be much more to go.

Whether it be making certifications and licenses easier to transfer from state to state or balancing out the family responsibilities and expectations, there is much more ground to cover to make the lives of military families better. 

The value of a military spouse cannot be overstated.

Family readiness is essential to mission readiness. Families thriving is essential to mission readiness. Families thrive when the community has access to quality programs and resources that actually meet the needs of the family.

This is why I continue to show up. I am proud to be a military spouse and proud to be a member of the military community.

Military spouses are the strongest, most resilient people I know, multifaceted and able to overcome anything. These are some of the reasons that this label matters to me and to other military spouses. 

What does it mean to be a military spouse to you? 

*To read more of Anna’s work, visit her M:M Author page