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5 Tips to Embrace the Suck

It’s no secret that military spouses are some of the toughest folks around, but just because we are strong, tough, and resilient doesn’t mean we avoid difficulty.

While we would love to pretend that everything is sunshine, rainbows, and puppy dog tails, that’s about as believable as me saying I will never eat chocolate or binge-watch Netflix again.

Sometimes, in military spouse life, we’re in a straight-up season of…suck.

Circumstances are hard, we’re worn out, and we’d give all our dollar bills for a few moments to ourselves and a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

So what is a spouse to do in those moments of “suck?”

Well, I think we basically have two options: We can fight it. Or we can embrace it.

At first glance, fighting the sucky season seems like a great answer. But honestly, it requires a ton of energy and our fighting of the “suck” often seems to suck the joy and remaining energy from our hearts…because it often turns into negativity.

Thus, we adopt that age-old saying from the military. It’s time to embrace the suck.

Embracing the suck doesn’t mean we love it. It doesn’t mean we fake it ‘til we make it, but we can do our best with what we have to work with in the current season.

It sounds like a tall order. But as a gal who has had her own fair share of seasonal suck-age, I thought I might share a few tips to help you get through and embrace the suck with flying colors.

1. Surround yourself with good people, places, or things.

I know, I know… Often our circumstances plop us into a place where we don’t get to choose our location, surroundings, or community. I get it. I really do. But we can get creative to find the good in the current season with an attitude of gratitude. It could be taking up a new hobby (for me, that’s Zentangle) or setting a fitness goal as a distraction. It could be taking a risk to meet up for coffee with a fellow milspouse. Heck, it can even be walking around Target for a couple of hours with no intention of buying anything (good luck with that non-purchasing part, by the way…). You’re still in some level of control, so embrace the suck by finding a few un-sucky things in your everyday.

2. Remember this won’t last forever.

A key aspect of embracing the suck is to keep a realistic perspective. While it feels like an eternity, we must remember that eventually this season will end. Deployments, TDYs, hard assignments, less-than-favorite duty stations, tough kid-raising stages, it all will eventually come to an end. Remember that age-old (modified) saying: “This too shall pass. Sure, it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” 

3. Engage your math skills.

Wait, do what now? I know. Sounds random, but hang with me. I’m not saying you need to bust out the quadratic equation in order to embrace the suck. Instead of saying, “We have 102 days left in this deployment,” I convert it to a percentage or a fraction, which makes it a lot more manageable and encouraging. Example: When I was training to run a full marathon a couple of years ago, I would be on mile 17 and think, “I STILL HAVE NINE MILES TO GO. I AM GOING TO DIE!” Just that thought of running 9 more miles made me want to hitchhike back to the car (only after tackling the pizza delivery guy I just passed on the sidewalk). But, if I took time to convert those nine terrifyingly huge miles to a percentage (“Only 34% of my run left!”), I was able to keep on pushing to the finish line.

4. Talk to someone.

Last month, I shared some deep heart stuff about my own journey with anxiety. I finally had the courage to speak up and it was like a 60-pound ruck sack was lifted off my back. The same goes for embracing the suck. Find someone to share your suck-age with. Maybe it’s your spouse, a best friend, your doctor, pastor, or a counselor. Share your burdens and let other folks help walk you through the suck.

5. When in doubt, laugh.

This is probably one of my primary “Embrace the Suck” survival techniques. Because sometimes, we have a choice to either curl up in the fetal position and sob, or crack a joke and laugh about our situation. Create some inside jokes with your spouse, share some puns on Facebook, do what you got to do to crack a smile. And if that doesn’t work, you can always take a knee, drink some water, and rub some dirt in it.

 

 

Readers, how do you embrace the suck? I would love to hear your personal tips and tricks in the comment section below. And if you find yourself in a season of suck-age, be encouraged. Keep calm, soldier on, and embrace the suck. Because it won’t last forever and you can do this.

Author

  • Sharita Knobloch

    Dr. Sharita Knobloch has been married to her beloved infantryman husband for 12 years. She holds a Doctor of Education in Community Care and Counseling: Pastoral Counseling from Liberty University. Sharita is mama, a smallish dog owner, aspiring runner, writer, speaker, and spiritual leadership coach. She has been with Mission: Milspouse (formerly Army Wife Network) since February 2014. In 2020, she was named Armed Forces Insurance Fort Bliss Military Spouse of the Year. Sharita gets really excited about office supplies and journal shopping, is a certified auctioneer, overuses hashtags on a regular basis with #NoShame and frequently uses #America! as a verb.

1 Comment

  1. Bill King

    I stumbled on this little gem of an article while job searching. Truthfully I zipped and zapped around looking at jobs on usajobs.gov, saw a public affairs spot at FORT HUACHUCA and found this website and then to your article. Rambling. Okay to point — good article. I am job searching at the rip age of 63 heading for 64. Not the best tactical situation. I can confirm that civilian life after Military can suck. 12 years with a hospital with exemplary service as a web content editor — terminated. So learning to embrace the suck is NOT something you can expect to surrender when you do EAS. There will be challenges and days that are less than golden — but you can’t put so much focus on that, be proud of when you survive those moments, days, weeks, gulp, months. If you think you will — you will. And you’ll roll up another “I embraced the suck and survived” story to pass on to someone else who might just need it. Good luck to everyone! Enjoy your days.

    Reply

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