Some knew their service members for years prior to marrying into the military. Others found love in the most unique places. There’s been full-blown weddings and simple Justice of the Peace ceremonies. Terms like TDYs, PCSing, deployments, homecomings, and a whole list of others that seem like a foreign language to our friends and family outside the military are normal for us.

My husband and I were dual military for the first three years of our marriage. At that time, I didn’t consider myself a military spouse. Then my retirement came, and all of a sudden I traded my white ID card for a tan dependent ID card. I found myself in a world that I had seen more of from the outside for many years, a world I didn’t see myself in. It was also a world I had no interest in being a part of.

Then, I learned what it means to be a military spouse. I started understanding.

It was the group of “cackling hens” that I thought existed. The group that I was guilty of lumping into every “dependa” stereotype that was out there. I found myself learning from a couple of senior spouses that had been service members at one time themselves.

I learned that while I was used to TDYs, deployments, and other military engagements, being on the spouse side was a completely different experience. I learned that Murphy’s Law always comes into play and that trying to teach a child about why mommy or daddy has to be gone isn’t a simple process. The household has to keep running—there is no pause button.

I also learned that military installations as a whole wouldn’t be as effective as they are without these military spouses. The endless hours of volunteering, stepping up to help a neighbor out who is half a country (or more) away from family, being there while a friend goes through labor because her spouse is deployed, and even the willingness to train and be a part of a Care Team—putting your emotions aside while your spouse may be deployed, to be there for another spouse who just learned that her soldier won’t be coming home.

I could go on and on… but I will end with this. Military spouses don’t expect any kind of recognition, that’s not why we do this. It’s simply for one reason—the love of our service member.

What do you love most about the military spouse community? What have you learned as a spouse?