A few anniversaries ago, my husband surprised me with a small gift. It was one of those Army wife stickers. But not just any sticker—one  that said “Army Wife: Toughest Job in the Army.”

I was touched at the gesture, said a polite “Thank you?” (yes, with a question mark at the end), and put it on my car.

In my heart of hearts, I didn’t know how to react to the gift. I mean, yeah, sure, being a military spouse is a tough thing about 98% of the time, but it’s not like I’m getting deployed for a year at a time and carrying a rucksack on my back on a regular basis.

Maybe that was just my pride talking. “I don’t need to admit weakness. I have a handle on this. Bring it on.”

But you know… That isn’t really an accurate portrayal of this military spouse life.

Just last night, my beloved and I had an, ahem, “lively discussion” about how emotionally challenging it is to be married to a service member.

I tried to explain that it seems like we get a grasp on all things life, adjust and things are clicking smoothly, then BAM. Let’s go ahead and hit the reset button.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t very helpful, mainly because his solutions to anything, emotional or otherwise, usually include one of the following:

1. Suck it up, buttercup.
2. Take a knee, drink some water.
3. Rub some dirt in it.

Yeah. Not so helpful for my current discouragement. My job in ministry, while it is a blessing, is emotionally and spiritually draining. So. Much. Brokenness! His schedule just changed, so I’m back to carrying his share of Household 6 duties once again.

Oh. And I need to find time to work out.

And write.

And keep our tiny human alive.

Some days, it feels like my emotional bucket has a slow (or gushing!) leak. When the end of the day rolls around, I’m empty. Tired. Grumpy. And honestly, sometimes not excited to do it all again tomorrow.

I keep telling myself that a “break” is coming soon. But the “break” keeps getting pushed back. Training dates change, TDYs pop up, all the stuff, all the things, all the time.

Ugh. I need a nap. Or 12.

So today’s post is a brief little pep talk, just in case your tough-love-service member is about as emotionally helpful as mine is…and maybe this pep talk is for me just as much as it is for you. (Don’t worry, I left the middle school pom-poms and cheerleading outfit in my closet. #NobodyWantsToSeeThat)

Here goes:

Sweet military spouse friend, 

Hang in there. You have such a tough job, but I know you can do it. Don’t sell yourself short. Just because you aren’t carrying a 50-lb rucksack on your back doesn’t discount the load you are carrying to run your household and love your service member with all your heart. 

I know it is hard, but keep perspective. Sure, it sounds a little cliche, but we both know that anything worth doing requires effort. Sometimes lots of effort. In the coming weeks, months, and years, you will be glad you stuck with it and pressed forward. 

Look at the big picture, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Just take one moment, one task, one thing at a time. 

When you start to feel overwhelmed, ask yourself these two questions: Does it matter? And can I control it? Only those things that get double-yeses do you need to spend time and/or effort. All the rest of the stuff? Elsa-fy it, and let it go. 

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are capable. Believe that you have been called to this position for a reason, and if you stay the course, you will not regret it. 

Now… Go grab a piece of chocolate, take a quick power nap, and keep calm and soldier on. 

After all… You probably do have the toughest job in the military.

Love, 

Me

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