Being versus Doing: Finding Peace as a Military Spouse During the Holidays

The holiday season always seems to bring an extra dose of expectation and a whirlwind of “to-dos.” There are cookies to bake, parties to attend, decorations to put up, and gifts to buy. For military families, the holidays can also bring added layers of complexity.

With separations, new duty stations, or the challenge of loved ones far away, the season may feel particularly weighty, and you might feel the pressure to make up for it all. This year, take a breath and consider that the most important part of the season might not be found in doing, but in being.

As a military spouse, you’re used to juggling what feels like an endless list of responsibilities. During the holidays, it can feel like these demands increase tenfold.

Between making your family feel “at home,” regardless of where you are, and keeping up with the unique traditions that make the season bright, it’s easy to feel like you’re running a race you’ll never win.

But the real magic of the holidays isn’t found in the frenzy of doing. Instead, it’s in the moments when you slow down, soak up the love around you, and cherish the simple act of being with the people who matter most.

The Power of Being Present

There’s a subtle beauty in the act of simply being. When you’re present in the moment, without rushing to accomplish the next task, you allow yourself to truly experience what’s right in front of you.

You may notice your child’s laugh, the joy of reconnecting with an old friend, or the warm glow of a family tradition. The holidays are a time for reflection and reconnection, and that can’t happen when you’re running from one task to another.

When we focus too much on doing, we can lose sight of why we’re doing it all in the first place.

Does it really matter if the tree looks like it came out of a magazine, or if your table settings are perfectly coordinated? The people who matter most to you likely won’t even remember those things.

What they will remember is the warmth, the joy, and the love you shared with them. You’ll remember the peace you found when you allowed yourself to fully enter the season, not through the hustle, but through an intentional focus on being present.

Finding Peace in Faith

As a military spouse, you’ve likely experienced the challenges of separation and change. Perhaps during these difficult times, you’ve found a sense of peace in your faith.

This time of year, when the noise of the world gets louder, it’s a perfect opportunity to reconnect with what matters most on a spiritual level. T

he holiday season isn’t just about celebrations, it’s about renewal, hope, and remembering that you’re not alone in whatever you’re facing.

Faith invites you to release control, to trust in the things unseen, and to let go of the anxiety over “doing” everything perfectly.

When you lean into your faith, you’ll find that you have the strength to face whatever comes your way—not because you have everything under control, but because you know that your worth isn’t tied to a checklist or holiday “success.”

As you embrace a spirit of being, you can let your faith fill you with the assurance that this season’s meaning isn’t found in the busyness but in the quiet hope and peace that comes from connecting with something greater than yourself.

Honoring Tradition, but Letting Go of Perfection

Traditions have a way of grounding us, connecting us with loved ones, and helping us feel at home, no matter where we are. But remember, these traditions are supposed to bring joy, not overwhelm.

So, instead of trying to replicate every single holiday ritual you’ve ever celebrated, consider focusing on just a few traditions that mean the most to you and your family.

Maybe it’s making a special recipe that reminds you of home, reading a favorite story together, or listening to your favorite holiday songs.

The beauty of tradition lies in the memories you’re creating, not in their perfection. Your kids may not remember if the cookies turned out exactly right, but they’ll remember the fun you had baking together.

When you focus on being with your loved ones as you celebrate, the joy comes naturally, even if things don’t go according to plan.

Action Steps to Prioritize “Being” Over “Doing” This Holiday Season

1. Create Space for Reflection

Start each day with a few moments of reflection or prayer. Take a moment to be still, to give thanks, and to center yourself.

This practice can help remind you of what truly matters and bring you peace before the busyness of the day sets in.

2. Set Limits on Your To-Do List

Before diving into a holiday to-do list, ask yourself what’s truly necessary. Instead of cramming in every task, prioritize a few meaningful activities that align with your family’s values and traditions.

Don’t be afraid to say no to tasks that don’t serve you or your family.

3. Embrace Simple Traditions

Instead of overwhelming yourself with grand plans, choose a few simple traditions that bring your family together.

Whether it’s a movie night, a holiday meal, or a walk around the neighborhood to see the lights, the focus should be on connecting with one another, not on impressing anyone else.

This holiday season, let go of the pressure to do it all and focus on the beauty of simply being. Your heart, your family, and your holiday will be richer for it.

Let your faith, love, and tradition guide you as you make this season one of peace, not perfection.

Chaplain (MAJ) Joseph R. Mason, of Salem, OR serves as the Deputy Division Chaplain for 4th Infantry Division, and is stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado. He entered the Army in 2002 through Officer Candidate School, receiving a commission in the Ordnance Corps.

He  is married to his wife of 21 years, Candace. Together they have four children: Wyatt (18), Owen (16), Ruby (13), and Chloe Joy (8). 

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