The deployment is over, and your service member is home now. Whether you’re moving to a new duty station or staying put, there’s going to be an inevitable adjustment period of being back together after any kind of separation.

Sure, maybe you’ve been able to talk to your service member every day since they left, or maybe you’ve only been able to communicate via email and the occasional call from a far off, sandy land. Either way, you’ll probably find yourselves feeling a little off.

It is completely normal.

I was pretty nervous about my service member finally coming home and us being confined to our own solo space again. What would it do to the relationship we were working on while he was away? Would I be able to share the bed? Could he get back to dealing with my neurosis of needing dirty laundry to actually make it to the hamper? Would we like who the other has become in the last year?

Almost two months after his homecoming, I think it’s fair to say we’ve got most of our groove back.

Most.

But, there’s still some things we’re working on finding the beat to. Like putting away the clean dishes… oh the dishes!

After all the real life experience we’ve had, here are  few things you should keep in the back of your mind as you come back together after a separation:

1. They’ve been away for a while.

On their own. That means without you. So, as a consequence, they’re used to doing things solo. Which, you’re probably pretty used to also. Try not to get offended when they want to take a walk alone or watch TV in a separate room for a while.

2. Consider where the deployment took them.

Not every place a service member is sent is full of butterflies and unicorns, even if it’s not a location technically under major social or political stress. It’s going to take some time to get used to being back on U.S. soil.

3. Former habits may have changed.

Barracks, camps, tents, and suites are not always as clean as your house may be, and the habit of leaving dirty laundry on the floor or dishes in the sink may have to be addressed. I’ve found gentle reminders go a long way—nagging will not.

4. Their job is probably different.

Whatever they were doing wherever they were stationed will probably be slightly different than what they’ll be doing when they get back home, even if they never changed MOS. Frustration with the way things are going at work is likely. Lend a sympathetic ear.

5. Schedules will need adjustment.

Not only will their internal clocks likely be off if they were outside of your time zone, but you’ll need to get used to each other’s schedules again. Unless you sleep like a rock, you’ll probably have to pull the covers over your head at 5 a.m. when they get up for PT, even though you don’t have to be at work until 9. There will be a few cranky mornings.

6. Your new hobby may not interest them.

Maybe you got into crafting while they were gone, or couponing, or even blogging. They might not find your new hobby of visiting Michael’s craft stores too exciting or want to participate with you. You must accept that it’s your thing, and move on.

7. They may have found a new hobby during deployment.

On the flip side, maybe your service member has found a desire to build model airplanes, play video games, or go to the shooting range. Wasting shell casings may not be your idea of a rootin’ tootin’ good time. Again, accept that it’s their thing, and let them enjoy it.

8. You’re fortunate to be back together.

Enjoy your time getting to know one another again. It’s an odd set of emotions trying to rediscover the right groove with someone you’re supposed to be completely familiar with, but look at it as a little gift from the military.

Embrace the homecoming and benefit from it to make your relationships strong!