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January Brings…..The “Not Enough” Blues

As the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Day, the world ushers in a new chapter filled with resolutions, fresh beginnings, and optimistic goals. However, for me, January arrives with a different vibe—a subtle slump.

It’s a season of reflection that follows months of meticulous holiday preparations.

In my household, the groundwork for a perfect holiday season begins in September.


Coordinating gifts for a large family demands planning, but sometimes, the three months of preparation feels like a fleeting ten minutes of paper shredding. Each year, despite my Hallmark-inspired vision of Christmas—complete with cozy pajamas, gentle snowfall, and the lingering scent of breakfast—I find myself asking, “Was it enough? Were they truly happy?”

Once the presents are unwrapped and tucked away in bedrooms, the afterglow of the festivities leaves me with a sense of inadequacy. My incredible husband tries to dispel my negative thoughts, and the kids reassure my constant question about their happiness with the gifts.

Then, the tree comes down, decorations are stored away, and January begins.


Some say this feeling could be the winter blues, but for me, it’s a quiet reflection on the passage of time.

Despite the external perfection, there’s an internal yearning for more.

How many others share this struggle with the “not enough” blues?


In my circle of friends, this feeling seems mutual.

Why do we subject ourselves to these images of perfection ingrained in our minds? We strive for an ideal sold to us through ads and TV shows, only to feel let down in the end. Interestingly, it’s not our loved ones who hold these expectations—it’s us.

In reality, they would be content with a few hastily wrapped boxes, stockings filled with toothbrushes, and more candy than they can consume. This is their perfection.

Perhaps this year, my resolution will be simple yet transformative: to extend kindness to myself and release the unrealistic expectations.

After all, what they truly desire is a mom who isn’t stressed for three months trying to create something even Hallmark cannot produce.

*To read more of Rebecca’s work, check out her M:M Author Page.



  • Rebecca Dills

    Rebecca Dills is an Army spouse of 13 years, an Air Force brat, and an Army mom. Born and raised in Colorado, she enjoys the mountains and cherishes a good rainy day. She currently lives in Charles Town, WV with her husband CSM Michael Dills, their 6 year old son, 4 dogs and 2 cats! She is an avid animal enthusiast and will quickly become best friends with any dog she meets. Rebecca and her husband have 5 older boys- three in Colorado, one in Georgia, and one who is also Active Duty. She has a bachelor’s degree in public health and works as a Project Manager for a D.C based hospital system managing research on mother and infant health disparities in the local region. Rebecca loves to write and engage in speaking events while sharing her stories of motherhood, Army life, and being an advocate for mental health awareness.


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The Days Are Long as a Milspouse

The Days Are Long as a Milspouse

If you’ve read any of my blog submissions on Mission Milspouse lately, you’ll likely see a pattern where I have been mostly writing about what I’ve learned being a military spouse for the past twenty years but in presented in slightly different ways. In addition to...

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