Recently my wife spent a few days in the hospital after surgery and I was thrust into the role of Milspouse for our four kids.

My initial plan was to support my wife and care for my kids with minimal disruption to my work routine.

Seemed logical to me, what could possibly go wrong?

I am still serving on Active Duty and began thinking through the ways I can get the kids off to school, spend time with my wife at the hospital, and still show up for work.

As I contemplated this plan my wife saw my wheels turning and stated, “You aren’t actually considering working while I am in the hospital.”

“I think I can pull it off.”

“You need to take leave. Even if you COULD do it there is no reason to try.”

So I took the time off, and I am glad I did.

The military has ingrained in me the sense that ‘Thou shalt protect my leave at all costs’.

It is as if my leave days can be used as a currency just in case the banks fail.

I know I am not the only one who thinks this way.

I don’t totally fault this type of logic; I believe it is born from a positive intention. But it does have its limits.

Once I got through my phobia of taking leave I was excited for the role of running the house.

Each of the kids have a different routine, but I know the routine fairly well and looked forward to the opportunity of getting the kids ready and out the door.

Over optimistic? Maybe.

Up for the challenge? Definitely.

None of my kids are excited about getting up in the morning and there is plenty of room for bickering and nagging.

In my best attempt to circumvent this routine I decided to play uplifting music and have the lights turned up in the living areas and kitchen.

I can’t control how they react to the coming of the new morning, but I was committed to doing everything in my power to make it a positive experience.

I also thought through ways I can turn nagging comments like, “You have 5 minutes before the bus leaves!” into, “Is there anything I can do to help you get ready before the bus comes in 5 minutes?”

I wanted to be seen as a partner in their journey toward school instead of playing the role of the time cop.

Through this time I found opportunities to assist with their routine, as I had time.

Making toast, gathering lunch items that are often forgotten in the mad rush for the door, and other small gestures that help keep things positive and the kids heading in the right direction.

Thankfully I didn’t have to come up with this gameplan on my own, my wife provides a consistent model of getting the kids ready in the morning, and I was on the receiving end of a morning routine set by my mother who always kept things lighthearted.

Make no mistake, my three days of running the show do not make me an expert and my success doesn’t not account for the craziness of sick kids and all the variables life can throw at a family.

I am grateful things went smoothly!

As much as I enjoyed my experience of being Mr. Mom, that story only sets the stage for the larger discussion I want to highlight.

What are the opportunities for connection in the seemingly mundane routines of your life? Can you create joy in these situations?

Nothing works every time, but there is no harm in trying!

Here is what worked for me:

• Setting a positive mood using lights and positive music
• Offering help as the kids get ready, partnering with them instead of enforcing the timeline

Here is what has not worked for me:

• In the past I have set a bluetooth speaker in the room of a kiddo that wasn’t getting out of bed and played It’s a Small World at a ridiculous volume. As much as I thought it was funny, and though it was effective, it didn’t exactly set the ideal mood for the morning.

Now it is your turn.

What tips and tricks do you have? Leave a comment below.

Each of you are experts in your routines and we can all learn from one another.

The heart of community is found in the shared experiences of one another. Within a community, none of us go through anything alone.

Sharing our successes (and not-quite-successes) that remind us we are never alone in this MilSpouse journey.

One last thing to consider.

As I reflect back to my childhood, I clearly remember the positive efforts of my mom as we got ready for our day. Her efforts created memories that have lasted a lifetime and are no small part of why I love my mother so much.

This can be true for all of us as well.

These small efforts to create positive connections with our kids throughout our routines create the foundation for how our children feel about us when they are older.

*Written by Major Joe Mason, M:M Board member.

Chaplain (MAJ) Joseph R. Mason, of Salem, OR serves as the Deputy Division Chaplain for 4th Infantry Division, and is stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado. He entered the Army in 2002 through Officer Candidate School, receiving a commission in the Ordnance Corps. He  is married to his wife of 21 years, Candace. Together they have four children: Wyatt (18), Owen (16), Ruby (13), and Chloe Joy (8). 

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