Resilience has many faces, forms, and names. For me, as a Spouse Master Resilience Trainer, it often comes in the form of a “secret” message hidden inside a daily task or a client session.

Because I am a wellness professional, I often focus so much on helping my clients find and build their resilience, that I forget about mine and these little “hints” the universe throws at me are necessary to my wellbeing.

This month, however, has been different.

Our family is mid-OCONUS PCS. The logistics alone of relocating a family, dog, and car as well as planning three separate household goods pickups has been overwhelming.

Many times, I have found myself in tears at the end of the day as a wave of mixed emotions washed over me. Relief as I recognize all I’ve accomplished that day followed immediately by anxiety as I realize all we’ve got left to do.

As a “recently discovered” freelance writer, it is hard for me to say “no” when writing opportunities are presented to me.

I took on several jobs these past two months, including a workshop. As deadline after deadline approached, I took a step. A terrifyingly-out-of-my-comfort-zone-seemingly-unrealistic step.

I asked for extensions.

I know. I know. You’re probably thinking, “Manda, you’re a military spouse writing for military-affiliated organizations. They get ‘it’.”

And, while I whole-heartedly would agree with that statement if we were discussing anyone else’s life, we aren’t.

We are talking about mine.

As a recovering perfectionist, not reaching a deadline can still make part of my soul scream in terror at the monumental failure that (supposedly) signifies.

However, I have spent the last several years learning how to remove controllable stressors from my life.

This is where “owning it” comes in.

To successfully “own” one’s challenges requires serious reflection. One must take a step back and recognize ALL the things creating stress in your life. 

My list looks something like this:

• Father-in-law hospitalized
• Husband back and forth from AZ to see father-in-law
• Daughter diagnosed with a compromised immune system right before an OCONUS relocation
• Further appointments to get more answers as to what kind exactly
• Follow- up on my own referral to a geneticist for a possible connective tissue disorder of unknown origin
• Try finding a geneticist ANYWHERE in the state of Louisiana
• Get car to Dallas to ship it overseas

*Side note, this is the “nearest shipping port” (insert side-eye here)

• Get BACK from Dallas somehow after delivering car to shippers
• Husband also goes TDY
• Plan travel for the dog
• Complete multiple surveys for household good movements
• Write four articles
• Plan one workshop
• Still manage to feed family
• Care for myself

Quite literally, the only things on that list I have any level of control over are when I ship the car, if I write the articles or put on the workshop, how and what I feed my family, and self-care.

Obviously, I can’t remove feeding the family and shouldn’t remove self-care if I want any chance of sailing these rough waters.

That leaves me with how and what we are eating as well as writing articles or planning a workshop. 

I acknowledge to myself, that if I want to not feel like a complete failure, I will keep one assignment.

I opt for the workshop because sharing wellness and resilience with others currently is one more way to reinforce it with myself.

I found several inexpensive, simple, healthy ways to create meals for days at a time in one cooking session. I always make sure that whenever I batch cook, there are many variations available for reheating later in the week, so it doesn’t feel like we are eating the same things repeatedly.

This is how we overcome.

Another example of overcoming is from waaaaaaay back in 2018 when my hero was returning from his first overseas mission after we married. I was in school at the time and worried about what reintegration would look like, I took a leave of absence.

Back then, overcoming was creating more space for our family to realign and removing one more external influence on the scenario.

This month, in the McVey house, overcoming was cutting down on food preparation & cooking time and asking for extensions on deadlines.

And you know what?

Not a single editor said “No”.

As a matter of fact, this article is nearly three weeks late and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Editor’s Note: We are lucky to have Manda Lynn McVey on our team, and appreciate the honesty and grace she writes with for Mission:Milspouse. We believe in her and ALL the military spouses wearing the hats and doing the things! Best of luck on the move Manda, and we can’t wait to read the wisdom you glean from this challenge!