Small Acts of Self-Care: Finding Grace in the Chaos 

As a military spouse and a mother of a rambunctious four-year-old boy, it’s hard to manage everything.

I wake up at 3 AM every day with the same routine.

I check our accounts, revisit my schedule, and do the inevitable: scroll through Twitter. (No, I will NEVER call it “X.” Sue me.)

At this moment, I argue in my mind.

“Kate. Don’t do it. Don’t pull up the app,” I tell myself.

Two hours later, I’m still staring.

Blinded by the headlines. Going down rabbit holes within the constant news cycle.

By 5 AM, I’d read a new congressional bill, looked up if energy drinks cause cancer, checked what color hair suits my face, and did the wordle.

Has anyone else been there? I can’t be alone in this nightly routine from hell. 

This month is all about self-care, and I’m learning that a vital part of that is avoiding triggers. I know that scrolling isn’t helping my body physically or mentally. So, I’ve decided to pivot. 

First “Act” of Self Care 

My first act included downloading the Finch app. My therapist recommended it, and I see why. Do you remember those Tamagachi pets?

The little toys that you had to keep alive between classes? Finch is like that…kinda. You “hatch” a pet and help it grow and thrive through self-care. It encourages small tasks such as getting out of bed, washing your face, drinking water, etc.

My “pet” is named Charley, and every action leads to a reaction. She’s learning and growing just like I am. The app encourages breathing techniques, mindfulness habits, and stretching.

I have found myself focusing on Charley instead of scrolling through Twitter. There are so many apps out there, and most have free trials. Please don’t knock it until you try it! 

Second “Act” of Self Care 

My second act was a craft. As a 36-year-old, I felt slightly childish creating a Vision Board, but it was oddly satisfying to see the final product. For those that don’t know, a Vision Board is exactly what it sounds like: a poster board filled with images of what YOU envision for yourself.

Mine is centered around 2025 goals.

I also found helpful tools on Amazon, like a Vision Board book with pictures, prompts, and quotes you can cut out. The idea behind a Vision Board is accountability. 

When you place your board in a shared space in your home, you look at it daily, reminding yourself of what you want from this life.

It could be goals like “get a promotion, lose weight, travel more,” but whatever it is, seeing it on a board is motivating. It’s a constant reminder to keep pushing and trying to make those goals a reality.

One study found that 82% of those who used a vision board accomplished half their goals. So, I encourage you to get out the glue and scissors and give it a shot. 

Third “Act” of Self Care 

This one is tough but necessary. ASK FOR HELP.

As a military spouse, I’m married to a man who isn’t big on feelings. It’s common in the military. When I talk about feeling down or hazy, he brushes it off with a joke. I felt like I wasn’t being heard and fell into a dark spiral of silence.

I stopped talking about my feelings and ignored the elephant in the room. I had enough and finally called a psychiatrist and a therapist. Tricare covers a lot of mental health services, including therapy.

I’ve been seeing a therapist for over two years, and let me tell you, it makes a HUGE difference. I’m learning things about my childhood, addressing past trauma, and becoming a better, happier version of myself. I just needed to leap.

Talking to someone new is scary, but the risk is worth the reward. 

Fourth “Act” of Self Care 

This is one of the hardest: Say No. One of my most significant sources of anxiety is spreading myself too thin. Over the holidays, we had family in town for over a month, which meant dinners, lunches, and gatherings every other day.

It was EXHAUSTING. After the second week of the chaos, I had an epiphany.

Why am I agreeing? I’m sacrificing my sanity to make others happy. I didn’t completely shut myself off but said no when feeling drained. Surprisingly, I wasn’t met with much adversity but understanding. I learned that my friends and family understand when I “just need some space.”

Let me tell you, it was freeing. 

Fifth “Act” of Self Care 

I started to give myself some grace. Have you ever heard of Cognitive Distortion? It’s a profoundly unsettling phenomenon that slowly takes hold of your mind over time.

What’s the one thing you repeatedly tell yourself?

The one belief that lingers, even when all the evidence points in the opposite direction? I was asked this question during a seminar in November, and it brought me to tears.

For me, it’s “I’m a bad mom.”

Despite the praise I receive from those around me and the love my little boy shows me, this thought still invades my mind.

It sneaks in during the quiet hours of the night like an unwelcome visitor—twisting my insides and leaving me shaking and struggling to catch my breath.

It took a long time to find the root of the problem. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t good enough at a young age. I’m not smart enough. Not athletic enough. Not pretty enough. The progression of life events led to “I’m not good enough at being a mother.”

I’m proactively working to fix this problem by writing down the evidence behind why I AM a good mom and focusing on the positives daily. It’s a heavy lift, but it’s helping to rewire my brain, turning Cognitive Distortions into Cognitive Clarities. 

So, what are your Cognitive Distortions? What do you tell yourself that is false, and why? 

I want to leave you with this: the journey to self-care is ongoing. It’s not about perfection but about progress.

Even on the tough days, when the weight of everything feels unbearable, small changes can create lasting shifts. Whether it’s a moment of mindfulness, asking for help, or just saying “no,” each act of self-care brings you closer to the person you’re striving to become.

I’m learning I’m not alone in this struggle, nor are you. If you’re facing those same battles in your mind, remember it’s okay to take a step back, give yourself grace, and seek the support you need.

We’re all working towards a healthier, happier version of ourselves, one small act at a time. Keep pushing forward—you’ve got this.

*Written By Kate Dudley

Kate Dudley is a military spouse and Communications manager for HOPE FOR THE WARRIORS.  You can also catch her on the HFTW Podcast  or connect with her otther powerful stories at the M:M Expert Author Page.