Military Marriage…

Military marriages are just like every other marriage, except there is another presence always willing to wedge itself between us: the military.

I laugh as I say this because we joke that it is the other “woman,” always competing with us spouses for more attention. It’s there in every decision we make and in every conversation.

Military service takes precedence over all the rest of life, even if we try not to let that happen. 

Planning a vacation means always making plans B, and C, in case plan A goes awry. Plan A always goes awry.

You never know when the world will be on fire, and the service member must always be ready. This is true for so many types of decisions and plans that we make about our marriage and family life.

We always need to think of alternative things that could happen or change. 

Some things about military life are pretty universal, but there are nuances to the different branches.

We may not always use the same acronyms, but we all have acronyms. How the services make orders is not always the same; it is different for every branch and for enlisted versus officer.

Yet we all get reassigned and PCS! When it comes to this aspect of military life and marriage, sitting and discussing what’s next has a lot of anxiety or excitement with it.

We all handle that change differently.

My husband and I sit down together and discuss how it will affect each of our family members and what we believe is best for all, yet, knowing that ultimately the decider of our fate is not us, but the assignment team.

We can advise and put our desires out for them, but it all comes down to what is best for the military. 

In the day-to-day aspect of our marriage, there are other ways that we choose to prioritize our connection and our relationship.

There are times that he must work crazy hours and the stress of what is happening at work seeps over to his time at home because it’s hard to leave it there.

We must be intentional to make sure that we spend moments being together and talking about what is important to us. February is my husband’s and my anniversary month and falls about a week before Valentine’s Day.

It’s always a month to remember how much we love each other and to take time out of our busy lives to focus on our relationship and what goals we set to improve our connection and communication.

Relationships are a lot of work, and marriage is no exception.

My experience has been that love requires a level of choice, choosing one another every day. Choosing to be intentional in how we think about each other and communicate with one another. We plan to grow old together, and how we plan to get there is what we must make time for in our daily lives. 

The most important thing we take to the other side of military service is our marriage and our family if we are lucky.

The investment today will pay off dividends when military service ends.

Just like any other career, if we only value the work and not the people who support our work, then we will have a tough time on the other side. It’s important to remember to spend time as a married couple and a family outside of what is the military part of our lives, whether it be regular date nights, vacations, and staycations. 

To learn more: Resources to support your military marriage: Military One Source, Military Marriage Day,  Military Chaplains at every installation offer marriage counseling and marriage retreats. 

*For more posts from Anna, visit her M:M author page.