We’ve been there. You aren’t alone. This is the second Core Value of the newly launched Mission:Milspouse. Last month we talked about Empowerment, and this month we are going to look at what Solidarity means in the milspouse community.
The Path from Empowerment to Solidarity is paved with our own solo adventures.
But are we really alone?
A good question. When we asked a few military spouses about a time when they felt truly alone in this mil spouse life, we got some enlightening answers.
“Obviously during separation times, but sometimes during a regular week, while I’m trying to maneuver my schedule to cart children from one activity to another.” (Chrissy)
I could have chosen a path where I hired someone to care for our son and I think I would have found more career satisfaction than I have now. I guess what I’m trying to say is our son was my priority – I chose him and everything he needed was on me. I have to flex and sway and adjust to ensure that I’m there for him. And that feels lonely. (Jolene)
“I always feel the most alone when we get to a new duty station. The husband is making all these new connections at work and talking about all these people and then I’m at home with the kiddos reconfiguring the house. Even before we had kids getting to a new spot is very isolating for me.” (Kayla)
“It is hard being childless, that is one of the first things Spouses go to in regards to making connections. Also job hunting during this time seems like a moment of doom every time. “(Katelyn)
When my own military spouse friends will leave and then I’ll feel lonely and a sadness of being the one left behind. Also to add, whenever I have a baby away from family, I feel lonely as well even though we have good friends here. (Amanda)
When we got married and he went to basic training almost immediately after. It was kind of weird getting married and then not living together or having much contact for the first 8 months (Brittany)
“My first move away from family and with my husband — when we decided to do life together instead of at a long distance. Unfortunately not just moving from home, New Jersey, but a month later my husband deployed so it was new state, no home, no job, no family, no in person friends, and a lot of friends trying to adjust back home. I had a few friends who felt sad they didn’t want to text me about things which made me more isolated. It was a mess. My cat, myself, and sitting at a brewery got me through to connect eventually!” (Jade)
I have never felt lonelier than when I’m in the hospital ER by myself. This has happened a couple of times through the years (early milspouse life) because I didn’t know how to ask for help and/or didn’t have anyone to call. Never a more lonely feeling than staring at the divots in the drop ceiling, sobbing during the miscarriage of my first child, by myself when hubs was at ranger school. (Sharita)
We have all been there in some capacity or another. Even though we are surrounded by community, there are times we just feel this way. On the flip side, being alone can produce some positive benefits.
Why feeling alone is okay sometimes.
- Being alone can breed confidence, which leads to empowerment
- Every time you accomplish something, you think you couldn’t do, you are reminded where your strength comes from.
- Life is a balance – we need the valleys to appreciate the mountaintops.. It fills your empathy cup so you can understand what others go through.
How can you find that solidarity you need through tough times?
1. Join groups that have similar interests – either online or IRL (in real life). Community is the best way to combat the loneliness we feel.
2. Read blogs and books by other Milspouses.
3. Listen to Podcasts.
3. Start your own Solidarity group.
4. Get back to IRL! Meet your neighbor. Reach OUT!
Keep coming back to our website for resources and voices you can relate to. Here at Mission:Milspouse, we ALWAYS have your SIX!
*Check out the blogs and podcasts below and remember……..We are all in this crazy life together!
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