The Overlooked Voice of the Male Military Spouse: A Perspective That Needs to Be Heard

In the world of military life, there’s a narrative that often goes unspoken – the experiences and perspectives of male military spouses.

For decades, society has shaped our understanding of military life through a lens focused on female spouses, and while that’s important, it’s equally crucial to recognize the valuable voices of men who are behind the scenes, supporting their families, and navigating the complexities of military life.

Male military spouses are often overlooked, and their experiences deserve a platform.

The Overlooked Role of Male Military Spouses

For many male spouses, stepping into the role of a stay-at-home parent or managing the household while their partner is deployed or stationed away can feel isolating.

These men are often subjected to societal expectations that equate masculinity with being the breadwinner or the dominant career figure in the family.

As such, male military spouses sometimes face judgment and stigma when they take on roles traditionally associated with women, such as caring for children or managing the household.

Male military spouses might find themselves on the receiving end of comments like, “What do you do all day?” or “It must be nice to stay home while your partner works.”

These comments, though often unintentional, undermine the very real and important work they are doing. It’s a challenging reality when society dismisses their contributions simply because of outdated gender roles.

Yet, despite these obstacles, many male military spouses become pillars of their communities.

Overcoming Obstacles in the Military Community

Male spouses face many of the same obstacles as their female counterparts, but from a different angle. For example, staying at home with children can be just as difficult for male military spouses as it is for women.

Attending playdates and finding other parents who understand their situation is an essential part of military life, but it can be especially hard for men who may not feel like they fit into a space traditionally dominated by women.

While female spouses are often more vocal about their need for community and support, male spouses might quietly feel the absence of the camaraderie and connection they need.

Furthermore, many male military spouses struggle with feeling marginalized. When military events and organizations are primarily tailored to female spouses, men can feel disconnected or excluded.

This exclusion can lead to a lack of engagement, and consequently, the community misses out on diverse perspectives and contributions.

A New Perspective: The Value of Male Military Spouses in Organizations

When male spouses add their voices to organizations designed to support military families, they bring fresh insights and perspectives. They offer a new way of looking at the challenges that both male and female spouses face.

For example, male spouses can share unique views on topics like balancing career and family life or handling deployment stress.

By including male voices in leadership and decision-making roles within military spouse organizations, we can create a more balanced and holistic approach to problem-solving.

After all, we all face similar struggles but from different vantage points.

Male military spouses can also help challenge traditional norms within the military community.

When they step up as advocates or community leaders, they show the power of breaking free from stereotypes. Their leadership demonstrates that caregiving and supporting a family are equally important, regardless of gender.

By allowing male spouses to have a seat at the table, organizations can better understand the diversity of experiences within military families, leading to more effective support systems for everyone.

Male Military Spouses as Community Leaders and Advocates

In recent years, more and more male military spouses are rising to the occasion as community leaders, advocates, and influencers.

They’ve become voices for the very same causes that have long been championed by female spouses, such as advocating for better resources for military families, pushing for mental health support, and fighting for fair employment opportunities for spouses.

One prime example is male spouses becoming vocal about the challenges of finding employment while frequently relocating.

With frequent moves, male spouses often face the same career hurdles that female spouses experience. By sharing these experiences and advocating for change, male spouses are not only helping their own families but are also making a difference for others in similar situations.

They’ve become a driving force behind efforts to improve military spouse employment opportunities, not just for women but for everyone facing the same obstacles.

Moreover, these male spouses often become the unsung heroes of military support groups, taking on leadership roles and working behind the scenes to create spaces where all spouses, regardless of gender, can thrive.

Their advocacy goes beyond their own families to include all military families—ensuring that everyone has access to the resources and support they need.

Breaking Down the Gender Barrier

Ultimately, the goal is to break down the gender barriers that still exist in military life. Male spouses shouldn’t have to feel like they’re less of a man because they stay home or take on caregiving roles.

And equally, organizations within the military community shouldn’t overlook the contributions that male spouses make simply because they don’t fit the traditional mold.

By lifting up male military spouses and giving them a platform to speak, we open up a richer, more diverse dialogue. These voices bring crucial insights into the challenges that military families face and provide solutions that might otherwise be overlooked.

They help us create a more inclusive, supportive environment where everyone’s experiences are valued.

Conclusion

Male military spouses have a unique and valuable perspective that can strengthen the military community as a whole. By adding their voices to military spouse organizations and leadership roles, we can ensure a more diverse and inclusive approach to solving the problems that all military families face.

As male spouses continue to step up as leaders and advocates, they not only help to shape their own families’ futures but the future of the entire military community.

It’s time to recognize the importance of the male military spouse, not just as a supporter of their partner, but as a vital and contributing member of the military family.

*Written by Jerad Knight

Jerad “JT” Knight is an Army veteran turned Navy Spouse. He is an advocate for mental health and self-care in our military community, a champion of male military spouse voices and experiences, a podcast host, an off (and on) blogger, and a huge fan of SCYFI and super heroes!

Jerad was interviewed in the article How Are Male Spouses Really Doing? Jared is also the 2023 and 2025  Buckley Space Force Base AFI Military spouse of the year! He brings a funny yet, serious voice to things that impact the military spouse community.

Editor’s Note:  This blog was written by Jerad Knight, the 2025 Buckley Air Base MSOY. Jerad is a tireless advocate of military spouses and the issues that affect the military communities. You can read his bio HERE.