Why I Write: How Mission MilSpouse Helped Me Reconnect With Myself

My son absolutely loves the Inside Out movies. If you haven’t seen them, they’re animated films about emotions and memories, crafted for kids, but layered enough to hit adults right in the feels.

The characters are simple: Joy, Anger, Sadness, Disgust, and my personal favorite, Anxiety.

They live inside the mind of Riley, a young girl navigating the complex emotional rollercoaster between ages 10 and 13.

As Riley builds friendships and beliefs, her memories become glowing orbs sent to “Headquarters,” the hub where her emotions live.

There are so many memories that the characters must decide what stays front and center and what gets archived.

One scene that always sticks with me is when Joy tosses “unnecessary” memories to the back of Riley’s mind, like the moment she waved at someone who wasn’t actually waving at her. “Oh yeah, that was
bad,” Joy admits, before sending the memory zipping through a tube she dubs, “Not Gonna Think About That Right Now.”

I paint this picture because I think my own little animated emotions missed that memo. Big time!

So many memories I wish would fade quietly into the background somehow stay at the forefront of my mind.

Writing for Mission: MilSpouse has helped me find peace with that.

I’ve been writing since I was a nerdy middle school kid with braces and bifocals, usually on the outside looking in.

I used to sit under a tree during breaks at school and write poetry to calm my mind. Putting pen to paper just made things make sense.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped.

Life got louder.

Busier.

It took nearly two decades for me to rediscover how healing it
is to write things down.

That rediscovery started with my colleague at Hope For The Warriors, Erin. She asked me to help adapt some of the blogs I’d written for HOPE into pieces we could share with the MilSpouse community.

After six months, I decided it was time to write my own story.

In July 2023, I anonymously published my first piece. I was going through an incredibly difficult season, my husband was battling alcoholism, and I felt helpless.

I cried as I typed, but writing gave me something I desperately needed: release.

I wrote for two reasons:

1. I needed to get the emotions out of my head and onto the page.

2. I wanted other military spouses to know they’re not alone.

It’s been almost two years since that blog, and I’m proud to share that my husband is in recovery and our marriage is stronger than ever.

If that one post gave even one person the courage to speak up in an impossible situation, then the vulnerability was worth it.

Since then, I’ve written several others, including You Serve Too, which is my way of connecting with other spouses.

I’m certain that they’ve said, “well I’m just a spouse,” in a mumbling,
uncertain tone in a response to the statement, “Thank you for your service.” I’ve written about loss after a shocking death by suicide in my family.

I shared my “why” behind switching from the fast-paced world of sports television to a more meaningful role at HOPE.

My emotions have always been a bit chaotic, but Mission: MilSpouse gave me a place to put them.

A place to turn messy memories into meaningful stories. A place to reconnect with the girl under the tree, writing her way through life.

Thank you for giving me that.

About the author: Kate Dudley is married to a New York Army National Guard recruiter and has served as a military spouse for four years.  She loves the outdoors, so being a “boy mom” feels like a calling. Her family loves fishing, hiking, and golfing.

Her toddler has a better golf swing than she does, so she’s already looking forward to serious competition on the course in the near future.

Kate serves as a Communications Specialist at Hope For The Warriors, so she has the honor of interviewing military heroes daily and telling their stories.

Editor’s Note: We are so grateful to all the amazinbg folks at HOPE for their support of the Veteran and Military Spouse Communities. THANK YOU! Thank you Kate – for sharing your emotions and helping to make our community a healing space!