You Serve Too!

I’ve been a military spouse for six years, and in many ways, I know we’ve been incredibly blessed. My husband is on full-time orders as a recruiter, which has allowed us to stay in Upstate New York for the entirety of our marriage.

That means no unexpected cross-country moves, no deployments, no pulling our son out of school, switching doctors, or starting over in new communities every few years. Compared to so many military families, we’ve had it easy.

Or so I thought.

Not long ago, I went to Lowe’s to make a big purchase. If you didn’t know, Lowe’s offers a military discount. Just show your Military ID. So, I did.

The man behind the register, an older gentleman wearing a “Vietnam Veteran” hat, looked up, smiled, and said, “Thank you for your service.”

I looked down. “Thank you,” I mumbled. “But I’m just a spouse.”

His reply stopped me cold: “You’re not just a spouse. You serve too.”

My heart dropped.

Do I, though?

As the Communications Manager at HOPE, I speak with military spouses every day who are in the thick of it, moving every few years, helping their children navigate new schools and new friends, balancing their own careers and identities while supporting their service member.

They’re sacrificing so much.

They serve too….Me? I haven’t even had to leave Upstate New York. 

In moments like that, I feel like I don’t deserve the 10 percent discount. I don’t feel like I’ve earned the “military spouse” title. But no matter how I respond, the answer is always the same when someone thanks me for our service and I offer the “just a spouse” line:

“You serve too.”

So, I’m working on reframing that mindset because I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

There are hundreds, maybe thousands of other military spouses who carry this same doubt, who feel like they haven’t done enough to deserve the recognition.

I’m here to say: You are worthy.

If you are supporting your spouse in their military journey, no matter the role, no matter the rhythm of your life, you are sacrificing. You are serving.

For me, that sacrifice often looks like time.

Recruiting duty means long nights in the office and at least 12 weekends a year away from home. With an energetic four-year-old in tow, those nights are long, and those weekends feel endless.

I’m also the secretary of our family, filling out TRICARE documents, attending appointments, navigating SCRA benefits, and playing phone tag with customer service systems (you haven’t lived until you’ve screamed “REPRESENTATIVE” into the abyss of an automated voice line).

I work hard to teach our son about what his dad does, because he should be proud to be a military kid.

His dad raised his right hand and took an oath to defend this country, even with his life. I want my son to understand how rare and honorable that is. I want him to know why we stand for the National Anthem, why we respect our flag, and why we are so lucky to live in a country full of opportunity.

So, the next time someone says, “Thank you for your service,” I won’t look at the ground.

I won’t mumble.

I’ll respond with pride because I am proud. And if you’re reading this, I hope you’ll do the same.

You serve too.

*Written By Kate Dudley

Kate Dudley is a military spouse and Communications manager for HOPE FOR THE WARRIORS.  

You can also catch her on the HFTW Podcast  or connect with her otther powerful stories at the M:M Expert Author Page.

*For more from HOPE FOR THE WARRIORS, check out their homepage or visit them at our EXPERT BLOG PAGE.