This week, two seemingly unrelated things caught my attention on social media. The first was the “Gen X uprising” on TikTok.

While I’m still piecing together exactly what sparked this, it’s clear that a wave of frustrated Gen X’ers has come forward to make their voices heard about current events.

The hashtag #GenX showcases a scrappy, resourceful bunch. As a member of Gen X (the generation defined as born between 1965-early 1980s), I find many of these posts resonate—after all, we are the original latchkey kids, shaped by similar upbringings.

I chuckle at the thought of the “forgotten generation” being awakened now, accompanied by the clarion call of “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses.

The second was the story about a congressman’s offensive comments regarding military families, especially spouses.

You may have seen it, too. Rep. Scott Perry, R-Pa, who also happens to be a retired National Guard one-star general, made tone-deaf remarks about the Resilient Employment and Authorization Determination to Increase National Employment of Serving Spouses Act (READINESS Act).

The Act aims to provide job flexibility for military spouses during PCS moves, something that has been an issue for spouses as long as I can remember.

To this military spouse of 31 years, it would seem like only a positive thing, a law that would finally begin to address some of the issues military spouses face with keeping a career afloat during military-mandated transitions.

But here’s what the retired general/now lawmaker said: 

“We cannot fashion our decisions on national security based on the individual needs of people that signed up of their own volition for a job that they wanted to pursue.

 

We’re happy that they want to serve. We’re happy that they want to sacrifice, but that’s what comes with the territory. If that’s not for you, we need insurance salesmen and we need people to clean pools and we need all kinds of things in America.”

My jaw dropped when I read this.

I thought, surely, this was taken out of context. But no, it was not. (See the link above for more of his remarks.)

Have we not yet gotten past the antiquated idea of “if the military wanted you to have a spouse, they would have issued you one”?

Yes, service requires sacrifice, but you’re not telling military families something they don’t already know and live each day.

I suspect this House lawmaker is either from Gen X or the generation before it, embodying the “suck it up, buttercup” mentality that is unfortunately prevalent among many military spouses of my era.

As I observe Gen X’s awakening on social media, its reaction to government excess and wealthy celebrity hypocrisy, I also can’t help but wonder if my generation of military spouses did a disservice to the current spouses now dealing with the fallout of such dismissive statements and mindset.

Were we too focused on wearing our toughness like a badge?

We endured 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and two decades of deployments.

We are undeniably tough. But maybe we “sucked it up” too much, sidelining our own needs for the demands of military life and setting a terrible example in the process for those coming after us.

Perhaps we struggle to empathize with younger military spouses, some of whom are now younger than my own children.

Maybe we think they’re soft, since they didn’t go through what we had to. (And shouldn’t that make us glad for them?)

And what legacy did we leave?

Did we unwittingly pass on the message that it’s best not to complain, to never ask for more, to accept whatever comes their way without question?

I hope not, but I wonder…

If my generations’s perspective of some of the military spouses before us is that, while they did amazing things too, they over-prioritized white-gloved teas and being the picture-perfect, put-together, supportive spouse (92% of military spouses are still female),

Did mine prioritize never showing weakness, no matter the circumstances?

Given the dismissive attitude of some of the House Oversight Committee members towards the READINESS Act, it’s no surprise to me that the military is facing recruitment and retention challenges.

The lack of support for measures that would provide military spouses with job flexibility and stability during PCS moves highlights a broader issue of inadequate recognition and support for the sacrifices made by military families.

While we’ve come a long way in past decades, there’s so much more to be done.

Military spouses’ contributions are still undervalued, as evidenced by the military programs that wouldn’t be feasible without the backbone of military spouse volunteers. 

As a Gen Xer, I find myself reflecting on how our experiences and generational norms shape us as military spouses.

It’s intriguing to me, the differences between, for instance, how Gen Z or Boomers handle the same scenario.

Of course, we are all individuals, not locked into our generation’s norms.

But there is often an overarching way of coping and facing life that defines each of them. 

And yes, we learned to be strong, to cope with almost impossible challenges, mostly without complaint.

But in doing so, did we inadvertently teach the next generation that it’s important to endure without seeking the support they deserve?

Did our “suck it up” mentality leave a legacy that now makes it more difficult for younger generations to be heard when they advocate for themselves?

Did we contribute to expectations that should never have been put on family members and make it easy for people like the lawmaker above to believe this way of life is normal and not to be questioned?

If military spouses don’t feel prioritized by those in positions of power, we shouldn’t be shocked when the services struggle to attract and keep military members.

To build a strong military force, creating policies that support in a practical way the well-being of service members and their families is essential. 

And to the younger spouses who are in the trenches every day, here’s a message from this Gen X’er.

I hope this gets easier for you. I hope you keep speaking up. I hope the military life you face is better than we left it for you. 

And I’m sorry if we didn’t set the best example.

Editor’s Note: At the time of publication, the READINESS Act Bill passed the committee on a vote of 30-13 and now awaits a vote from the full House.

*For more from Jen McDonald, visit her M:M Author Page or her HOMEPAGE.