I recently saw a young spouse venting on a Facebook group about friends and family saying this dreaded phrase to her.

I’ve heard that same phrase countless times; I bet you have, too.

But, you likely won’t see those responses on my social media pages — anymore — because I’ve asked my family and civilian friends not to say that dreaded phrase.

I know that it’s usually well intentioned and comes from a good place, but that doesn’t make it any easier. 

I know I am a strong woman. I know “I got this.” 

Except, on the days I don’t. 

Those are days where Murphy has visited, and seriously overstayed his welcome.

The days where I’m trying to figure out how to get my teenager home or pick her up.

The days that I’m stuck in line at the gate because of a security protocol. The days that I can’t get a delivery because the driver couldn’t get on base, and they didn’t call me.

The days where I spend hours on the phone trying to straighten out a referral. The days when he calls and says, “I have news.”

I often don’t know how I do it either.

Many times, I don’t know how any of us does it. The long and frequent schedules. The high ops tempo. The uncertainty. The constant change. The waiting.

But, I do know why I do it. I do it because I can’t imagine anything else. I do it because I love my service member.

I do it because I love our life together; the life we have built over 20 years of marriage and 25 years together. I do it because we love our country. 

Each day, I put one foot in front of the other and work through whatever life and the military hands me.

Some days it’s easier than others and that’s totally okay. It’s taken me years, but I’m learning to ask for help, even when I’m not sure what I need.

Military life can be so isolating and there is a constant stream of friends coming in and out of our lives.

Leaning on our support systems, even if we’re not sure who that is in our horseshoe of support, is so important.

Yes, I said horseshoe — keep your circle open to let more inside. Take care of one another and ask for help. (I see you, Space Force spouses, thanks for being in my #USSForbit!)

So, to our civilian friends, family, and neighbors, I ask that instead of saying, “I don’t know how you do it,” offer support to a military spouse.

Be a helping hand, a listening ear, and an enthusiastic cheerleader.

You may not understand how we do this life, but we can’t fathom not taking up alongside our service member, either. 

Now after 20 years, when I’m approached with “I don’t know how you do it,” my response is usually along the lines of,

“Some days are tougher than others, but we make it work and I can’t imagine any other way.”

*For more from Sheila, visit her M:M Author Page.