My spouse has been in the Air Force and Space Force for 19 years combined, and apparently that makes me a ‘seasoned’ spouse. I’ve made more friends along the way than I can count, and I’m so grateful for all of them.

One thing I’ve noticed along the way is that that it becomes harder to make friends the older I get.

In the first years of his career, I volunteered for everything and I met people there who had similar interests. I worked and had co-workers that I’d socialize with after work or take lunches with.

After I became a stay-at-home mom, it was so easy to make friends when I had a little one and wanted to get out of the house. Even once she was in school full time, I worked remotely part-time and that left time to volunteer at the school and meet other moms.

But as time goes on, you’re around your child’s school less. Birthday parties become drop-off parties, and playdates aren’t needed. One day, you look around and there are less places to meet people to spend time with.

Here’s how I’ve started looking for friendship in different places and become okay with having a smaller circle.

Spouses’ Clubs

I joined the spouses’ clubs at every base we were stationed at. I especially enjoyed the sub-clubs like bunco and lunch bunch. I loved helping with scholarship auctions.

Don’t knock ‘em before you try ‘em. Know that not all spouses’ clubs are created equal, but also remember that they ebb and flow as people come and go, too.

Most clubs are not like the clubs of yesteryear with pearls and tea parties. Many clubs are combined ranks and have more inclusive activities.

They may not be for you, but it’s worth a look!

Meetup.com

I’ve had fairly good success meeting people through Meetup. Add your interests and area, and local groups will pop up.

Not all areas have an active presence on the site, but I’ve found several communities that are loaded with groups. I’ve found a quilting group and a women’s outdoors group that were both great.

Facebook

These have been my personal favorite. I start by finding interest groups and pages local to me. Examples of searches might be “California birdwatching.” I join active groups that plan activities hosted by group leaders.

Often these groups and pages will also recommend other groups to join that are more niche. For example, I followed a general California hiking and camping page, and a woman who runs a women’s-only hiking group shared their information.

I joined that group and have been on multiple outings with them. It’s been a fun way to get outside and enjoy the trails with people other than my family.

Just like recommendations given to those on dating site, if you’re meeting up with a group of people you don’t know, always make sure to do so safely.

Meet up during the day, at someplace public, and make sure that someone close to you knows where you’re headed.

Learning it’s not the size of the circle

Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s true that not all friendships are meant to be long term. Some friends are meant to be with you a lifetime. Some are but for a season. And yet others are there for just a reason.

I have become more intentional about writing (yes, handwriting!) notes to friends as I think of them. I set aside time to send texts to faraway friends when I’m enjoying morning coffee.
But, I’ve also learned that I don’t need to have a huge group of friends nearby.

I have a smaller group now that I can ask out to coffee with or grab lunch with. I know the people (and sometimes the person) I can count on if my teen need something and I’m unavailable.

I have friends that know when I’ve had a cruddy day and make a surprise porch drop-off for a pick-me-up. We know when each other is busy, but we pick right back up each time.
I’ve become more comfortable with myself.

I still crave time out with friends and genuine relationships, but I’ve also become more comfortable in my own quiet, listening to podcasts, reading, or time outside.

My circle of nearby friends is sometimes just a dot. And, I’ve become okay with that.