A couple of days ago, I stood in our scantly-equipped kitchen. Our little family was finishing up our latest PCS. We had arrived at our final destination, found a wonderful house that met our needs, and now we were waiting on the delivery of our household goods.

So, yes, there I stood, looking around our bare kitchen, dreaming, planning, thinking… all of which are fave hobbies of mine with any PCS.

My Beloved Husband was getting ready to head out the door for another day of in-processing on post, and I asked him, “Hey, Beloved. Where should we put the microwave?”

He looked at me and blinked as if I’d grown a third eye or was speaking in a foreign language.

His response to my microwave-placement question: “Uh, I don’t really care.”

My first response (internally) was that of offense. What do you mean you don’t care? This is our home, and putting it together is a dream we can dream together!

Then, I paused and realized he really doesn’t care where we put the microwave, and that’s okay!

I will pause as you applaud my evolving military spouse filter.

I laughed to myself, because I remembered, early our relationship, I would have been offended by his indifference to the microwave placement. Somehow, my emotional self would have interpreted that as how he feels about me and our (future) family.

But, when it comes to microwave placement (and some other minor things related to Household 6) my husband doesn’t care because he trusts me to take care of it. 

Kind of a cool perspective, right?

He would probably be fine if I plugged the microwave into the master bathroom outlet, as long as he could access it to warm up leftover steak (as if there is such a thing in our meat-eating house).

My husband isn’t going to get bent out of shape over stuff that I can handle. Microwave placement in our new-to-us house isn’t a huge deal (to him). And that’s okay.

This whole microwave conversation got me thinking about how things change in a marriage. Over time, things probably get a bit less “steamy” (microwave pun intended), but it also gets more stable and less emotionally wonky.

Another example:

As newlyweds:
Hubs: “Wow, wife! I love your new shirt! Smoking!”
Wife: “Awww, thanks Beloved! *kisses*

Year nine of romantic relationship:
Hubs: “Hey, wife. Is that a new shirt? I like it! You look like a picnic table.”
Wife: “Um… Thank you? I got it at Walmart for $3.94.”

I’m grateful that I continue to mature throughout the years of my military spouse life. I’m excited that I can laugh with my husband instead of getting offended at every little thing. It’s pretty cool to see myself (gradually) giving a lot more grace than grief in those moments.

Dear readers, I encourage you to do the same. Practice taking a moment to pause and see the real intention of your spouses’ words or actions. Men and women are different creatures. I think about the most homey and efficient place to park the microwave… Hubs is mentally calculating what type of meat he is going to cook over charcoal on the grill in the backyard.

We’re different. It’s okay. Actually, it’s more than okay. It’s cool. It’s beautiful. And it’s an opportunity to grow as we show grit and grace to the military service member we’re called to love and support, no matter where we put the microwave.