Guest and author, Rachel Starnes, shares about her new book, The War at Home, A Wife’s Search for Peace (and Other Missions Impossible): A Memoir.
deployment
Those Tough Questions
“Mommy, who is he warring against?” Cue one of many questions I wasn’t prepared to answer.
We are broaching new and uncharted territory in our house. The last two deployments, my kids were little. First one as a married couple (his second) was over before the oldest was 8 months old. The second one was when the kids were 5 months old (until 12 months) and 2.5 until 3 years old.
Newton’s Law of Emotions
At some point in school, most students hear of Newton’s Laws of Motion. The third law is the most familiar: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
In my opinion, this law can also be applied to some of the emotions that take place within military life.
The Pros and Cons of Living with In-Laws
When military spouses are faced with a long separation from their service member, either due to deployments or training, we then have to decide whether to stay at the duty station or move home with family.
For the first three deployments, I remained at the duty station, even when my daughter (Avalyn) was born and a week later my husband, Alan, deployed to South Korea. But when my husband both received a transition MOS and a new duty station, I was given the decision to remain in Fairbanks, Alaska, or move home with family in Ohio. This time I took the leap and moved Avalyn and myself home while we wait for Alan to finish school.
Preparing for Separation—Again
We are military families. Deployments are what we do, especially for the last 15 years, and we know it. We also do TDYs, schools, trainings, and unaccompanied assignments. Plenty of separation.
Some of us do them with grace and class, like my friend who hosted an event for the company she works for with 25 parents and many small children, in her house, which looked spotless. Catered food, a mother’s helper, her hair was perfect, and we had all sorts of fun. All while on the tail-end of her spouse’s deployment, no less. She killed it like the rockstar she is, and everyone had a wonderful time.
Changes, Challenges, and Overcoming
I gave birth to my son on Feb. 2. It was a mostly relaxed labor as I did not dilly-dally and made sure I quickly got an epidural since I had an induction. After around 24 hours in labor, he was born in the late morning and weighed 6 lbs, 14 ounces. It was fairly surreal going through the whole process.
However, not very long after his birth, while I was still in the hospital, anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed quickly consumed me.
The Best Deployment Ever
I bet I know your reaction to my use of “best deployment.” I bet you scoffed or guffawed, saying, there is no such thing.
It’s like saying, “most enjoyable root canal ever” or “greatest day spent at the DMV ever.”
Because let’s be honest, the real “best deployment ever” is probably no deployment at all.
But when you’re married to a service member, we take what we can get. How about we compromise and say that this post is about the second best deployment ever, yes?
Deployments: Beginnings vs. Ends
Deployments are funny things.
They are (of course) very much a challenging part of this military spouse life, and they’re always full of surprises. As I type this, sitting in the Fort Lewis Starbucks, we’re in the homestretch of our latest deployment. (Yes. We see the humorous signs that homecoming is coming!)
The Other Deployment List
When it comes time for deployment, our service members receive a mile-long list of boxes they have to check. During that time, it’s easy to forget to check the boxes on the other deployment list—our deployment list.
Mission: Milspouse is a
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EIN Number: 88-1604492
Contact:
hello@missionmilspouse.org
P.O. Box 641341
El Paso, TX 79904