“It’s a trap!” my husband warns himself.
“No, it isn’t. I mean it when I say I don’t care to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’m really that girl, and you married me. Thank you for marrying me…”
There is a pretty good reason why I don’t care to celebrate Valentine’s Day with my husband. We met four days after Valentine’s Day, and every year, that day, that’s the important day. It’s my favorite day of the year—the day-that-we-met day. I would so much rather celebrate our day than Valentine’s Day.
Take a quick lap around any bookstore and you will undoubtedly run into the Relationship Section. Thousands of books have been written on the topic of all things marriage…probably because it’s one of the most simultaneously challenging and rewarding life experiences to which we’re called. When we add in the “military” factor to marriage, that presents an entirely different chapter of information!
Have you ever noticed how, in society, experience seems to count for very little? Well, depending on how old you are as you read this, you may not feel it as much as those of us who come with lots of “experience!”
It’s true, I’m not as comfortable with all the ins and outs of my computer as you may be, but I’m pretty good at knowing how to have a conversation that leads to a promotion or new business.
You’re right, I might not live to communicate everything through a text message, but I’m great at sending a handwritten thank you note or letter that someone actually hangs up on the wall above their desk.
That said, I recently discovered one area where experience counts for everything! A happy marriage.
I started playing fantasy football in much the same way that I became a military spouse. A guy I really liked asked me a question, and I said, “Yes.” He had to ask about fantasy football more than once—big deal. At least with that, I had an inkling of what I was getting into.
Across my almost five years as a military spouse and my three seasons as a fantasy football contender, some of the lessons I’ve learned apply to both experiences and, well, let’s just go for it—life in general.
There are plenty of inconveniences about this life, and God forbid, I complain about them. Typically, every military spouse has heard, “Well, you knew what you were getting into…” at least once. But who really knows everything that lies ahead when you marry a service member?
Join the AWN Core Team as they interview our featured guest, best-selling author and nationally-renowned social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn, as she shares how to improve even the most difficult relationships through kindness with her new book, The 30 Day Kindness Challenge.
This time of year is a tradition for weddings, which is why I thought of revisiting some of the advice from my FlipTip book: Barely Married: Navigating the first years of a military marriage.
Being early in a marriage and new to the military lifestyle can be a daunting experience. Both bring lots of new challenges, and many new joys. The key is to find ways to make them both work together.
We’ll smooth out some of the speed bumps you might incur along the way by bringing you helpful tips, information, and advice right from others who have lived through exactly what you’re feeling now. You just might find yourself saying, “I needed to hear that!” For those of you who have been “married to the military” for longer, you may find something below that you’ve forgotten about. We can all use reminders.
Ask any of my friends and they will tell you…I have the best conversations with baggers at the commissary.
One time, this lady told me that I was buying too much meat. Another man once told me that I was buying so many eggs (it was Easter time, I was making deviled eggs for a potluck, and I was doing a Whole30, thank you very much) I would save money if I bought some actual chickens, instead.
I went to a wedding celebration for friends of mine over the weekend. It’s exciting to see “new” love, even though both of these friends are in their 40’s.
The guests played a game where each took a wooden log from a Jenga® game and wrote a piece of marriage advice on it. The pieces were then tossed into a bowl and during the evening Tim or Sofia would draw out a piece and read it. Lots of wonderful advice: don’t go to bed angry…have lots of sex…and remember that she’s always right! You know, the usual.
I had different advice for them based on an activity I do with couples returning from deployment in my communications workshop for the Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program.
Here it is: Always remember to say “I Love You” with no words at all.
What does that mean? Look for the little things you do for each other that “say” how special you think they are. Usually those things involve no words, and are from the heart.
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